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Columbia Football Sucks Again

A poor quality photo to reflect our poor quality team

Were you at the football game yesterday? If you weren’t, take it from someone who sat through the whole thing: you didn’t miss much. The Princeton Tigers trounced your Columbia Lions, 45 to 10.

I’m not gonna lie, it was a little sad to see our boys on the field fumble one pass after another. It was a little sad to see the stands – so full of tipsy sorority girls and guys with “WE WANT BAMA” painted on their chests at the start of the game – empty out as everyone realized we had dropped the ball. And it was a lot sad to hear the Princeton Marching Band play their fight song approximately ten million times as their team kept scoring touchdowns.

But at the same time, it was nice to be on the losing side again. It was comforting. Like a warm sweater draped around my shoulders, ushering in the rest of autumn. It was as though some cosmic fissure, cracked when the team miraculously managed to win eight of their ten games last year, has now been repaired. We students can now be safe in our knowledge that we don’t go to an athletic school.

Also, as a member of the Marching Band, I only had to do thirteen push-ups the whole game.

yet still iconoclastic via Betsy Ladyzhets

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