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It’s Spelled “Raymond Luxury Yacht” But It’s Pronounced “The Columbia Men’s Basketball Team”

We know you’ve been looking forward to this year’s men’s basketball superlatives! Senior Staffer Abby Rubel gives them out for the third year in a row. 

Ball Handling Award: Quinton Adlesh
He’s consistently been the one of the most effective ball stealers on the team. Last year, he had 29, second only to Mike Smith’s 31. During his sophomore season, he lead the team with 36. And this season, he’s stolen 39 balls. (If you’re the player with an odd number, let us know at He will be missed.

Camille Zimmerman Award: Gabe Stefanini
Much like Camille Zimmerman, Columbia basketball’s greatest of all time, Gabe Stefanini has been excelling this year. He’s started all 26 games, averages 13.8 points per game (making him one of Columbia’s top scorers), and is one of the top rebounders (5.3 per game on average). He’s also cooperative, leading the team in assists with 106. Last year’s Mr. Peanutbutter has come a long way.

Most Likely to Miss the Game-Winning Three-Pointer: also Gabe Stefanini
‘Nuff said, although it says a lot about the faith people have in him that they give the ball to him to take that shot. We’re just sad he doesn’t hit it more often.

Biggest Surprise: Peter Barba
Seems like Engels rewarded Barba for not rage-quitting the team! He’s gone from playing in four games last season to 24 of this season’s 26 games so far. And it’s paid off for the team—he’s shooting 45 percent from beyond the arc.

Bad Boy: Patrick Tapé
With 75 personal fouls and 32 blocks, Tapé is the basketball player you wouldn’t bring home to mother. He’s claimed this award for the second year in a row, but Randy Brumant, who also has 75 personal fouls, seems to be giving him some competition. Will these two duke it out behind the gymnasium after fourth period? Stay tuned!

Torn Meniscus, Torn Hearts Award: Mike Smith
When the news broke that Mike Smith had torn his meniscus in a game against Boston College and would be sitting the rest of the season out, every Columbia basketball fan’s heart tore itself apart. Before he got injured, Smith had scored 126 points. In fact, even though he hasn’t played since December, he’s still Columbia’s seventh best scorer.

Cheerleader/Conor Voss Replacement: Jim Engles
We don’t usually give the coach awards here, but Engles deserves this one for all the yelling at the ref he’s been doing. Plus, those sideline squats must be very motivating.

Future Oren Milstein of Basketball: Ben Milstein
Oren Milstein made 12 out of 13 field goals his freshman year. Ben Milstein has gone 1-5 on his field goals this year, but, as we’re sure he reminds his parents when they ask why he’s not living up to his brother’s standard, he has only played for twenty minutes.

Flakiest Team Member: Lukas Meisner
Instead of playing his senior year, Meisner abandoned the team for Germany. It’s too bad, because we were going to give him the Most Expensive Free Throw Award!

Ey! Oh! via

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