Do you find beer pong stars irresistible but always unsatisfying? Bwog has the solution to keep you from making the same old mistakes. 

There is not much to say about campus hookup culture that hasn’t already been said: it’s damaging, it’s everywhere, it often results in an unsatisfying night for both parties. But few have taken concrete steps to address even part of the problem – that is, until our tweet generating bot gave us the eureka moment we needed.

Soon, Bwog will be rolling out a new campaign to keep you from hooking up with beer pong stars. We hope that our four-pronged initiative, P. O. N. G., will give you and your friends the tools you need to not regret everything the morning after.

Pack mentality: Remind yourself before going out that you will not hook up with any beer pong stars. But more importantly, remind your friends as well and promise to hold each other accountable. The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.

Obstruction of oogling: Do you see your friend getting a little too friendly with the recent champion? Remember your pact at the beginning of the night and do whatever it takes to split them apart. Yell, physically insert yourself between them, declare a state of emergency, whatever! it! takes! Protect the pack!

Never-ending vigilance: Keep a constant eye on the beer pong table. You’re allowed to talk to people, but that table is the one object of interest. Keep monitoring the situation – who looks like they’re about to win? What formation are the cups in? How much time do you have before you have another person to avoid?

Get out: The best way to keep yourself and your friends from hooking up with beer pong stars is to not be in the same area as the beer pong stars. Go get Koronets, go to JJ’s, go to bed. You’ve earned it.

Don’t even think about it via Bwog Archives