This list is a hell of a lot funnier when you imagine that only a singular person did all of these things within the span of a couple days.

Bwog Turns Absurd

• Awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, and found themselves transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect-like creature
• Fought with Lerner
• Captain Marvel Hot
• Achieved perfect drunkenness level 2/3 nights this weekend
• Ate so much vegan food they exploded

Bwog Becomes Socialites

• Was pampered with gifts from their sorority big and went to their first semi formal!
• Threw a surprise birthday party… for an Aries
• Talked to a 10-year-old boy about his slime mold for 10 minutes
• Made and drunkenly presented an entire Google Slides presentation on how alligators influenced their childhood

Bwog Takes Care Of Themselves

• Napped the depression away
• Saw so many dogs on Low Beach
• Power cleaned my room and can now see their floor!
• Ate Goldfish and apple juice for breakfast this morning
• Didn’t kiss anyone

Gregor Samsa via Flickr.