Fuck it, they’re actually all just Dean Martin songs. I don’t give a fuck.

“That’s Amore” by Dean Martin

  • Went to Brooklyn for s*x
  • Went on a cute date
  • Met a cute Australian/American but they both mutually flaked
  • Had sex in the Carman stairwell
  • Went on a very cute date that went from the Upper East Side to SoHo to Nolita to the Upper West Side and then back to campus
  • Received wisdom from their parents
  • Had a guy who they crushed on in middle school slide into their DMs after a year of COLLEGE

“I Take A Lot of Pride in What I Am” by Dean Martin

  • Didn’t do any work all weekend
  • Threw up for 6 consecutive hours
  • Cranked out their last real paper of the year!!
  • Got drunk for 5 nights in a row
  • Went to Harlem for jello shots on a roof
  • Became addicted to chocolate covered raisins
  • Read a book
  • Took an Uber from 104th at 5am
  • Went to Sugar for the first time and had a cheesecake milkshake that provided them with approximately 3x the calories one should have in a day
  • Hung up fairy lights with 2 weeks left in the semester for some reason
  • Watched an entire season of The Magicians instead of doing work
  • Went to a very classy whisky bar in the East Village
  • Led their team to one (1) victory in Codenames

“You’ve Got Me Crying Again” by Dean Martin

  • Was in bag (colloquial. to be struggling with emotions)
  • Said goodbye to a friend who’s headed off to a far away place and tried their best not to get emo about it
  • Struggled mightily with feelings (beGONE, emotions)
  • Studied with a friend, realized they should have spent way more time cultivating friendship with this person only to learn she’s doing a gap year next year
  • Did NOT meet Ezra Koenig
  • Spent 7 hours learning/playing the Game of Thrones board game instead of doing my work

“Welcome to My World” by Dean Martin

  • Spent too much time doing schoolwork: “oh my GOD i just want to be DONE”
  • Saw their housing plans for next year fall apart
  • Peed maybe 20 times in the first hour of the Varsity Show
  • Had a stomach ache for 3 (three) days straight
  • Went to Virginia and came back from Virginia <3
  • Lost a shirt, drunk
  • Went to the Forever 21 in Times Square, which is a whole other world
  • Ate basically nothing but French fries for a whole day
  • Saw Endgame and ate an obscene amount of popcorn
  • Found mold in some hummus they bought from Morton Williams
  • Got very ill for like 3 days
  • Submitted final drafts of two (2) senior theses
  • Wrote 1600 words in an hour

Sorry, Frank Sinatra via Wikipedia.