Bwog Staff knows you have been procrastinating your homework by spending seven hours on TikTok. Please go to bed.

Goodnight to…

Barnard College
Thembos, Leo risings, tote bag lovers, Megan Thee Stallion, rock collectors, witchy bastards, those who delete their social media profiles every week, 100 gecs stans, Slack over-sharers, ell gee bee tees, people who love waiting in lines, those who don’t do their readings but still speak in class, anyone who knows all the words to Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”, people who are in love with their childhood best friend, bathroom criers, psychology majors, Carmex addicts, Spotify stalkers, child actors.

Columbia College
Ex-Catholics, burnt-out gifted kids, those who believe in the stock market, shitty untrained musicians, ABBA, people with anger issues, beer drinkers, girls with mullets, those who know all the words to Hamilton, introverts with extroverted best friends, members of secret societies, TikTok addicts, those who don’t title their playlists, anyone who had braces in their youth, Butler stacks users, high school debate winners, members of the Lost Generation, people who cuff their jeans.

General Studies
MILFs, classic rock fans, people who use the raise hand function on Zoom, ex-groupies, weed smokers, bottle blondes, triple texters, French speakers, Facebook users, vinyl collectors, anyone who thinks they were born in the wrong generation, Stevie Nicks, tap dancers, gymnasts, vest wearers, whiskey shooters, people who snore in class, high school sweethearts, those who hate their jobs, failed bakers, preschool teachers, softball coaches, rug buyers, new New Yorkers.

SEAS
Girls over 5’8”, TI-84 enthusiasts, insomniacs, anyone who drinks black coffee, piano playing bastards, those who understand the New York Subway system, Neil deGrasse Tyson, people who wear contacts daily, steel water bottle users, lightweights, those who doodle on the margins of worksheets, phone call lovers, future presidents, ex-Tumblr users, secret poetry writers, camp counselors, people whose hands are always cold, ironic t-shirt wearers, Slytherins, Google simps.

The moon says “Stop drinking Yerba Mate and go to bed, you fool” via Bwog Archives