Honestly, sparkling water in general. La Croix, you are not safe from judgment.

Dear anyone who liked the AHA sparkling water (apple ginger flavor in particular),

What does it feel like to suck? I’m genuinely wondering. Somehow it manages to be bitter and sour and burn my throat (???), all while smelling like someone left an apple out in the Arizona sun for a week. Carbonation in water should not exist. Innocent people who think they’re taking care of their body and hydrating will be shocked to realize that it can heighten the effects of IBS. I know a bunch of y’all have that, so don’t even try to deny it.

I guess it’s good that Columbia chose to give us the AHA brand since they don’t use any added sugars, but it made me concerned about how they flavor these things. Apparently, the “natural flavors” that sparkling water gets flavored with are essential oils. I’m not a hater of essential oils, I think they’re cool, but they’re definitely something I prefer to smell rather than taste. Because, quite frankly, I don’t think they’re bringing much to the party here.

Watermelon-Lime flavor AHA did, however, give sparkling water a slight redemption arc for me… I could drink an entire can without getting too off-put. But if I went the rest of my life without ever drinking sparkling water again, I would be fine. Actually, I would be more than fine. It doesn’t even sparkle!

Hating you forever xoxo

watermelon lime via my dorm room