Abby Lee Miller puts Columbia University on the pyramid.

It’s a well-known fact that the ALDC (the dance studio from the hit reality TV show Dance Moms) actually stands for Columbia University. It’s about time that we rank Columbia University objects on the pyramid, because we are all just trying to find our Maddie at this point.

In the true Dance Moms fashion, we will rank starting from the bottom.

7. Last on the pyramid is…. Course Registration.

  • their technique is subpar and they are always crashing right when it’s their time to shine
  • they messed up their solo at the competition last week, letting more students off the waitlist than the professor could handle

6. Next on the pyramid we have… Lerner Hall.

  • you stood out in the group piece, but in a bad way
    • amongst the old and grand Columbia buildings, you stand in glass distracting the audience
      • we could see through you on that stage
      • your spin was too tilted and it looked like you were about to fall

5. Next we have the chairs in the East Asian Library.

  • you started off so well but your performance became lackluster
    • you became stiff on that stage
      • my back physically hurt looking at you

4. Next we have… Courseworks.

  • you performed well in the group piece this week
  • you were reliable, providing exactly what I expected
    • for next week, please work on spotting your turns for I felt dizzy searching for the Panopto video recordings tab

3. We are getting towards the top of the Pyramid. In third place we have… Hewitt Dining Hall.

  • you brought just enough spice and flavor to that stage and the judges saw that
    • well done.

2. Now we have the… Milstein green chairs.

  • you performed well in the group piece and you showed excellent technique in your solo
    • the judges felt comfortable in your presence, complimenting your sturdy floorwork
    • the audience was fighting for you; keep up the good work

1. At the top of the pyramid we have… Avery, the Architecture and Fine Arts Library.

  • I have no notes, you were perfect in every way and the judges rightfully put you in first place at the competition
  • you stole the show in the group piece and nailed all of the turns with structural integrity in your solo
    • “everyone’s replaceable,” except you — Abby Lee Miller

dance moms via. Wikimedia Commons