From Ray J to Pete Davidson…

First Year Writing: Wild Tongues – Ray J

My Barnard career began with Wild Tongues, Kim’s professional career began with Ray J.  And, I suppose, wild tongues (among other organs).

Honors Math A – Kanye West 

Kim is thriving post-divorce.  No more pretending to hate Taylor Swift, or tolerate Donald Trump.  No more Kanye-induced PR messes to mop up.  I look forward to the day freedom can be mine.  I’m done pretending to understand what an “epsilon” is, and I’m certainly done mopping up the mess I devolve into every Monday night, desperately trying to finish the weekly problem set.  Honors Math A is even less comprehensible than one of Kanye West’s twitter rants.  Like, I’d be thrilled if my professor wrote “Everybody knows the movie get out is about me” on the blackboard.  That being said, Kim and Kanye’s marriage was far from fruitless—I mean, they got four kids out of it.  And, thanks to Honors Math A, I got a massive ego check.  

Intermediate Spanish II – Pete Davidson

After a long hard day of math, nothing feels better than settling into Milstein and making my Spanish homework my BITCH.  This, I hope, is what Kim is doing with the little shrimp of a man she’s chosen as her rebound.  If you’re a big Pete Davidson fan, I’m sorry.  But we’re talking about Kim Kardashian here—she’s irreplaceable!  Pete, on the other hand… Kim and Kourtney could swap boy toys for a day and nobody would bat an eye.  The Kardashians are in their little-edgy-white-boy era, and I’m simply not here for it.    

Intro to Comp Lit – Kris Humphries 

On paper, 2011 Kim and Kris look like a perfect pair—an aspiring celebrity and a hunky basketball player?  I mean, come on. So do Intro to Comp Lit and I—an intro class and a terrified freshman?  Perfect.  But it’s just not working out.  “Our love is simple,” Kris once said on an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.  Intro to Comp Lit is similarly naive: “Your homework is part two, but feel free to just finish the book!”  Sweet of you to assume I’ve even started.  I probably won’t be enrolled in a comp lit class for more than 72 days. But, unlike Kim, I won’t be ugly crying about it.  

Kim Kardashian via Flickr