In response to our recent CWB, some have decided to try their own hand at making Bad Soup. Don’t. It just might be the last thing you do.

At approximately 4:23 pm EST on Tuesday, October 11, I came home to find my roommate fighting for his life. He was convulsing on the floor of our McBain double as he desperately hung on to what little strength remained in his broken body, frothing at the mouth like a rabid dachshund. A stain stood out violently against his white shirt: brown. A bowl of what appeared to be an earthworm orgy bathing in diarrhea sat, steaming, on his desk. The whole room smelled like how used gym socks taste: bad.

Then I noticed his laptop.

It was open to an article on this very website. CWB: The Worst Soup You Will Ever Have glared at me from the glowing screen. How quaint. How silly. How harmless.

Not. 

At once, it became all too clear to me. My roommate had taken this cutesy little recipe as a challenge, an affront to his very manhood. “Of course I can handle the worst soup ever created! What’s the harm in trying?” he surely thought.

It only took him twenty minutes to throw together the ingredients to his own death brew.

The dripping spoon still clutched in his trembling fist confirmed my worst fear. He had eaten a whole bite, the cocky bastard.

Bless his soul.

I dipped a pinky into the frothing broth. It stung like battery acid. Touching the smallest drop to my tongue, I was assaulted by a cacophony of screaming flavors and sparring tangs. My teeth were instantly coated in slime but my tongue was dried into jerky. I inhaled a flake of something chalky and out of place and choked for several moments. Oregano, I finally surmised. Who in Christ’s name puts oregano in soup? 

I called Public Safety, knowing in my heart of hearts it was too late.

I don’t blame the EMTs. No one could have saved him. That damned soup is just too bad.

We may not be able to resurrect my roommate, but no one has to go out like him ever again. I’m begging you, for God’s sake, don’t eat the soup.

If anyone has any information leading to the arrest of the author of the fatal soup recipe, please submit an anonymous tip to Bwog. Though the yellow-bellied coward chose to remain anonymous, we just might be able to catch them if we all work together. We have included their image below:

Bad Soup via Author

Soup Criminal via Bwarchives