Staff Writers Elaine Ryan and Spencer Davimos review the food at the new Sushi and Boba Spot, public enemy #1, to see if their minds have changed since slandering the cafe’s opening.

Beginning Thoughts:

Spencer: The spicy tuna roll looks pretty standard—rather inoffensive. It’s pretty much just a Liz’s Place sushi roll dupe. However, I didn’t bring my glasses and was worried that my boba tea was boba-less. But looks can be deceiving. I lifted up my cup to further examine the content of the tea (and ended up spilling some of it on my pants, making it look like I peed myself! That was embarrassing.)

Elaine: It was really embarrassing for her. Drop an F in the comments to pay respect.

Spencer: I made that sacrifice just to realize they added clear popping boba instead. The veggie dumplings look like the ones I make my sister cook for me from Trader Joe’s, but worse. But again, looks can be deceiving.

Boba Review:

Spencer: Looks actually did not deceive. The passion fruit tea just tastes like water with (a lot) of Splenda. I have a bias against popping boba and this tea did not change my mind. I just really do not like the skin of the popping boba or the consistency of the jelly inside. It was a textural catastrophe. Also, the boba is really expensive (nearly eight points) and has a lot of ice which I really do not like. I consider boba drinking to be a silly and girly experience and I do not want to rush the drinking process to prevent the tea from being watered down from ice melting. I give the boba a 4/10

Elaine: The mango tea tastes like mango Clorox. Yum! I’ve always wanted to drink cleaning products. Especially after the unfortunate incident where I made ammonia gas in my bathroom! The taste personally isn’t there for me, but maybe that’s just my take on fruit boba. Unlike Spencer, I am loving the popping boba. It goes pop pop pop snap snap snap in my mouth and I think that’s so fun. I just love to have fun. The bubbles are fun but the taste is not. Did I spend almost eight dollars (in meal points) on it? Yes. Was it fun? Yes. Was it silly? Always. Overall I would give it 5.67/10.

Sushi Review:

Spencer: I got the spicy tuna roll and quite honestly I am not mad about it. The rice isn’t hard, unlike the Liz’s Place poke bowl, and the portion is decent enough. I don’t think this can be a substitute for an entire meal, but for 8 meal points, I’ll take it. It also makes me more pissed about the extremely overpriced boba since there should be no reason for a drink and a sushi roll to be so close in price. The only issue I find with the taste is that the spicy tuna is not spicy at all. I felt extremely clickbaited. I just still don’t really get why they needed to create a spot for this sushi because there was already a station in Diana that served a pretty similar roll with these exact options. But nothing about Barnard dining really makes sense so this is on brand for the school. I give the spicy tuna roll 7.5/10.

Elaine: I ordered a salmon avocado roll and the rice wasn’t warm like the rolls at Diana. It wasn’t crunchy and cold like at Liz’s Place. It was just right. It’s the goldilocks of sushi. It is my perfect roll. She is my bae and my one true love. I will be marrying this sushi roll in the Columbia chapel. I always forget that I have a slight allergy to avocados… so that’s awkward for me especially because I ordered a salmon avocado roll. As I am writing this, my mouth is becoming increasingly itchy. This is no one’s fault but my own. I need to respect my allergies. In my utopia, the most common allergy would be bananas, not avocados. But only plain bananas, not in a smoothie or in banana bread. Anyways, love the sushi but not loving my mouth’s reaction to it. I give it 7.89/10.

Dumpling Review:

Spencer: I do not like it. It tastes weirdly sweet and has a chemical-like aftertaste. It tastes like a veggie dumpling made from Elon Musk’s Tesla headquarters. An AI made a simulation of a dumpling and forgot to include the ingredients that make them taste good. I give it a 1/10.

Elaine: My question is: why is it sweet? Vegetables should be savory. They should taste like vegetables. I don’t know what this is. I’m sorry, but why is it sweet? What did we put in the dumplings? What kind of evil magic is this? I’m personally going to stick to the sushi after this. I give it 0.7/10.

Personal note from Elaine: Why are we so obsessed with putting calories on menus? Let me remind you all, dear readers, that calories are made up and not important. Gasoline has calories. Let’s not pay attention to the energetic value of our sushi; it doesn’t mean anything about us. We don’t need calories on menus, thank you, Barnard! I don’t need that in my life. Kisses, though!

Sushi and Boba Spot via Dining at Barnard