O Hewitt Waffle Maker, O Hewitt Waffle Maker, wherefore art thou Hewitt Waffle Maker?

A couple of weeks ago, I, an enamored freshman, bared my heart out on the internet to my newest love, my harlot of Hewitt: the beloved waffle maker. But what reciprocity is this, I must ask??? It has been weeks, nay, almost a MONTH, since her last sighting in that hallway, and nothing has haunted me quite like this before.

Was it by choice? At first, I believed her absence to be a short foray to Ferris for their chicken and waffle night. A moment of infidelity, at worst. Yet the next day, she failed to show. And the day after. And the day after. Upon inquiry, a Hewitt dining worker informed me that it “needed repairs.” But how long can a tune-up to a skillet really take?

As I patiently await her return, here are some theories as to what could have happened:

• Went to training camp for the New York marathon. Is currently in athletic recovery after competing last weekend.
• Captured by city pirates, à la Kiera Knightley in “Pirates of the Caribbean.”
• Ran away to a Holiday Inn breakfast bar.
• On strike for previous laborious conditions.
• The tragic victim of a devious lick by the Columbia Swim Team (always in Hewitt… suspicious).
• Delayed on the 1… god bless her.

A true riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, the only manic pixie dream girl I will ever need. For now, I can only pray our time apart will draw to a close soon. Maybe, just maybe, she loved mysteries so much she became one.

Me when the loml is gone (candid) via Bwog Archives