Have you ever had a sequential burrito?

Columbia’s newest addition to the dining rotation is the Fac Shack burrito, a late-night treat which is available only on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. This is indubitably a good addition to campus, providing a non-JJ’s option for those of us who procrastinate eating from time to time. I have certainly enjoyed it so far. However, last weekend I got a burrito that was downright frightening.

The concept of a burrito is comforting because it is so imminently blended. In every bite, as you eat from end to end, you can expect to get at least a few different ingredients. However, this was not at all the experience I was greeted with when I sat down to eat my plump Fac Shack wrap. On the first bite, I got entirely rice and tortilla. For a moment, I thought this was a fluke of distribution, that I had happened to chomp into exactly the rice-lane of the burrito. I moved slightly to the left, and bit again, hoping to land some beans or maybe even chorizo this time. No. More rice. This continued on for 1/3 of the length of the burrito, after which there was another section of entirely beans. After I made it through both of these layers, I finally stumbled upon the chorizo, the selling point of the burrito and usually the star of the show. However, having eaten 2/3 of a burrito full only of rice and then beans, I have to admit that my usual chorizo passion was a bit diminished. It was an almost chilling experience.

After eating the whole burrito, I fell into a bit of a food coma, and lay down in my bed. My mind was firmly on the topic of layers. I began to ponder the idea of stratigraphy, a field of geology which studies the way in which different layers of our earth have been deposited and how these layers can be used to study the age of things that we find in the ground. I started to think about the burrito as a stratigraphic medium, and then I had an idea: if my experience of Columbia dining were captured in a stratigraphic burrito, what would that look like? And so, this article and the following image were born:

Columbia Dining Burritography

Here is a comprehensive list of the layers:

  1. John Jay Tomato Bisque
  2. JJ’s French Toast
  3. JJ’s Mac and Cheese Bites
  4. Drumstick
  5. Chef Mike’s Chicken Parm
  6. Ferris Corn Concoction
  7. JJ’s Mozzarella Sticks
  8. Ferris Pasta
  9. Chef Mike’s Lentil Soup

It appears that, contrary to the normal system of stratigraphy, the Chef Mike’s Lentil soup has risen all the way to the top of the burrito, despite being a relic of a bygone age. But, Columbia Dining works in mysterious ways.

Burrito via author