How much theater is too much theater?

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Sebastian Bader, Columbia College, Religion, Los Angeles (That Land of Lawrence Weschler Light)

Claim to fame: I’m the man running across campus with the halberd and the gasmask. You might have
seen me filming a man fighting a gorilla, or a siege, or perhaps being actively hunted down by Public Safety for filming that very same gorilla fight scene.

Where are you going? To the land of Might-Have-Been.

What are three things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2030?

1. It’s not as bad as you might think
2. Never build nine foot tall slot machines. They will not support their weight.
3. If you see them in Butler, take the time. They might want to talk.

“Back in my day…” Back in my day, Columbia used to be 80% emu.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Out of Place with Hisham Matar. He’s practically magical.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Personally I think we need to give up the idea that the Anabaptists will return. We need to start thinking practically! We’ve already reformed. What the hell is another reformation going to do? We’ve got to bring back professional catharism! It would be so cathartic!

Whom would you like to thank? There’s only one person I need to truly thank. He knows who he is. He knows what I owe him. He knows what he has done. I will find him. I will pay him back. Whatever he desires. And then, my soul will be free.

One thing to do before graduating? I’m going to finish the Alexandria trilogy. To leave Columbia without knowing how it all ends is just about the worst fate one can imagine.

Any regrets? Maybe a bit too much theater. A third consecutive tech week is never a good idea.

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