Did we mention that Bacchanal is tomorrow? And that it’s probably going to rain? Whether you “forgot,” “don’t care,” or have been “ready for months,” Bwog’s got you covered on the outfit to wear.

The Person Who Has Been Ready For Months

They have literally been thinking of this outfit since they passed out before seeing Big Sean. They swear that this year they’re going to get it right. The downside of picking your bacchanal outfit 6-12 months in advance is that it probably won’t be weather-appropriate. So when they carefully picked out the perfect pair of shorteralls, or squealed with glee when they found the crop top of their dreams, they probably weren’t thinking that it would be a brisk 59 degrees with a 60% chance of rain. Luckily, 3 months ago they spotted this cute raincoat that was too festival-ready to pass up. Hell, if they’re cold they can just slip on some liquid pants like everyone else.

The Butler Camper (a.k.a. The Doomsday Prepper)

When it comes to Bacchanal, no one is more prepared than the Butler Camper. They use their collection of miscellaneous oddities to reserve their treasured Butler seat, all whilst preparing for the greatest event of the year. The Camper has been diligently checking the forecast for the past fortnight, has star charts spread across their Butler nook, and has their dealer on-call for whatever guilty pleasure the event will require.

The Person Who “Doesn’t Care”

“The music is a little too mainstream for me.” “It’s not even going to be fun.” “I’m not going unless I can watch Ben Kornick get in a fist fight with Public Safety.” We are all familiar with this person: the one who claims to be too alternative for Bacchanal, who says they can have more fun elsewhere. For someone who is so vehemently opposed to attending Bacchanal, this person sure seems to talk about it a lot. When the big day arrives, this person will claim that they’re just going to “see what all the fuss is about” (and will later deny the legitimacy of any such fuss). As they’re getting ready, they throw on a pair of jeans (“See, I’m wearing my cuffed jeans–that’s how little I care,”) and the new crop top that they were saving for a special occasion but “might as well” wear today. They just happen to grab their edgiest sweatshirt (tied around the waist, of course), decide to take their favorite spring jacket (it is supposed to rain, after all), and step into a pair of Docs (“Oh, these old things?”). Yea, they definitely don’t care at all.

The Senior Who Is Deathly Ill But Is Going To Enjoy Bacchanal, Dammit! 

What the fuck is this person even doing here?! Their doctor diagnosed them with bronchitis earlier this week, they’ve bruised several ribs from coughing, and haven’t slept properly in two weeks. Somehow, this person convinced their doctor to wait to prescribe them antibiotics until after Bacchanal (alcohol + antibiotics = bad), so they are also highly contagious. Not a problem as long as they avoid large crowds. Oh wait. We’ll see this person at bacchanal valiantly trying to enjoy their last carefree moments of college life, all while wearing a face mask and fighting off the urge to pass out. They’ve also developed a fever in the last few days, so they’re bundled up like Ralphie’s little brother, Randy, in A Christmas Story. They will be only person overdressed for this depressing weather.

The Person Who Forgot It Was Bacchanal

On Saturday afternoon, stepping out of their den for the first time in 24+ hours, this person will rub the sleep from their eyes and wonder what the fuck is going on. They were just going to go to JJ’s and then watch Netflix for the rest of the day, but their plans are sidetracked by crowds of people trying to find wristbands and tracking down pregames. Someone on the lawns just offered them an edible, so they just say “Fuck it,” join their new friends, and find a new appreciation for the art of cannabis-infused foods.

The Person Who Doesn’t Make It Through Holi

Finally, the saddest of all Bacchanal fashion persons: the person who doesn’t make it to Bacchanal. They did acid with their friends, had a blast during Holi, but never made it to the actual music performance. They’re not entirely sure what they did that day, but they’re a little sad about. At least there’s always next year. For now, they need to figure out whose suite they’re in, and why everything hurts.