Proper planning prevents poor performance.

In case Columbia needs to switch gears in September, I’ve compiled a list of alternative reopening plans.

1. Hold Classes in Taiwan

According to Bwog’s experts, its curve is flat.

2. Hold Classes on Islands And Have Each One Meet On A Different Island

Maine has over 2500 islands, but under 4000.

3. Use Zoom, But Only In Classrooms

Huh?

4. Buy Cornell

It is time.

5. Get Everyone These Gerbil Wheel Things

Pass the swim test in sweatpants.

6. Cover Everything With Saran Wrap

Not just food.

These are, of course, just suggestions.

But remember, Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked, the third greatest movie of all time, was also once a suggestion.

Taiwan’s Curve via The Big Bad Bwog Journal Of Medicine

An Island In Maine via Wikimedia Commons

Computerized via Wikimedia Commons

Yankee Stadium via Wikimedia Commons

Cornell via Wikimedia Commons

Gerbil Ball via Wikimedia Commons

Plastic Wrap via Pexels