I just really, really hate the cold.

You know what’s beautiful? Keeping warm. You know what’s not? Freezing your ass off while trying to get to class, even though you’re already wearing all the layers you own. That’s what’s so wonderful about the tunnels that connect every academic building at Barnard. You can walk between your classes, dining halls, and the library without having to step outside! As a Barnard student with anywhere from one to three classes over at Columbia depending on the semester, I’m consistently really frustrated by Columbia’s lack of (accessible) tunnels. Yes, they would probably be very congested—but they would be warm. If only Columbia would reopen and renovate their tunnel system, right? Wrong. I have a much better idea. 

Imagine if every major walkway on campus was instead a massive human-sized insulated hamster tunnel. Students would never have to be cold again! People could dress fashionably for once. You would be outside—not in the fresh air, no, but still viewing all the scenery—yet protected from the elements. Whether it was snowing or raining outside, you would be dry and warm. Architects, take note. 

These tunnels would be everywhere so that no student is forced to go outside. They would extend all throughout campus, with exits at each building. “But how about people who need to cross Broadway to move between Barnard and Columbia?” you may ask. Two ideas: Number one, the tunnels go underground through the subway entrance. Number two, a tunnel sky bridge. Wouldn’t that be cool? 

You may ask—why a hamster tunnel? Why not a normal tunnel? Because hamster tunnels are fun. Nobody wants to see Columbia ruin their landscape by creating makeshift tunnels rented from the same company that brought the tents. Plus, the tunnels could be a translucent version of Columbia blue! Honestly, I don’t see any reason why the administration shouldn’t implement this as soon as possible. As for now, I can only hope. 

Hamster Campus via Chancey Stefanos