To be a (wo)man is to perform

On Saturday, September 13, at approximately 5 pm, a crowd was seen gathering on Low. From this crowd emerged a group of men, who proceeded to line up in front of the original Columbia woman (Alma Mater). Dressed in button downs, with tote bags holding books upon books of feminist literature, these men expressed their appreciation for women. One could hear quotations of Clairo songs, see signs labeled “End the Pink Tax,” and smell the wafts of matcha from miles away. 

This was not, in fact, a gathering of fourth-wave feminists. Rather, it was Columbia’s Performative Male Contest. The “performative male” trend originated on social media, in which people, mainly women, made fun of certain men for dressing for the “female gaze.” The idea is that men who do things like drink matcha and listen to Clairo are not doing it because they enjoy it, but rather to attract women. 

This has become somewhat satirical online now, with anything from a labubu to wired headphones being labeled as “performative.” The men in Saturday’s contest had a variety of accessories. All had matcha, many with labubus dangling from their belt loops with carabiners. Many wore Barnard shirts or hats, or carried Barnard tote bags, along with guitars and cameras.

Each contestant was given a chance to state their case on why they were the most performative man at the contest. Reasons ranged from the fact that one guy had “never taken a Barnard class because he would never take that spot from a woman,” to a recitation of “My Life Had Stood a Loaded Gun” by Emily Dickinson, to “I love women so much that I have never dated one”. One man carried a sign that said, “End the Pink Tax,” an effective message, followed up by the next man throwing pads into the crowd, while calling them tampons (dare I say the most performative thing of all?).

My personal favorite was a duo of two, who claimed that words were not enough to show their performance. They first shotgunned half of their matchas, then poured protein powder in the drink, chugging the rest in one go. Only a man who truly understood performance would do something so drastic. 

While this author was not able to stay around long enough to see who won the contest, I think I can safely say that all of these men, and many more, truly understand what it means to perform. I can also safely say that I never want to be around that many labubus again.

Images of contest via Author