President Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize, basically for existing. (Times) Harvard students lose the “right” to a hot breakfast. (Times) Harlem braces for trouble with getting an accurate census. (Spec) NASA “slams” two probes into the moon to look for hidden ice. No launch date yet for the follow-up mission, which will look for “hidden cheese.” […]

It was a dark and stormy night.  High winds on a warm autumn evening felled trees all over the city, but luckily not hers. Inspector Hawkma smelled a setup at first when the clues led her to her own tree house, one of the oldest in the city. Local gun shows had been flying under […]

Residents raise hell as developers of a new midtown skyscraper raise the bar to the height of the Empire State Building. (WCBS TV) Priests in Brooklyn and Queens withold wine during mass, succumb to divine power of the swine flu. Will The Abbey follow suit? (Daily News) Someone should fight for the right to hot […]

Queens seizes the chance to tear down a Great White Oak older than Columbus before tree-hugging hipsters make Astoria the new Williamsburg (NYT).  The football team learns to protect their balls (Spec).  New York Senators side with Obama and want Bloomberg out (NY1).  Empty pockets force Columbia to abandon its dreams of conquering Morningside (Spec). Yarmulkes come […]

Brooklyn reggae artist Major Mackerel was attacked with a sword yesterday after allegedly harassing a neighbor’s wife. Good thing we’re in Samurai-free Morningside Heights. (NYP) Good thing we’ve got our own subway stop too—a ride down to SoHo will let you see the largest-ever exhibition and sale of works by Maurice Sendak, the artist/author best […]

Columbia favorite Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: dictator, Holocaust denier, Jewish? (Daily News) Hipster cinephiles rejoice! Despite the economy, the IFC Center in Greenwich is expanding. (City Room) Intern shares stories of David Letterman’s “special suite” in the Ed Sullivan Theater, actually believes we want more images of David Letterman having sex. (Daily News) Ivy League dating society […]

Sorry, Class of 2010, guess you’ll never know when the next 1 train is arriving. (NYT) Sorry, David Paterson, CC’77, but come on- can’t you just take the hint?  (Daily Intel) Sorry, New York school kids… all that zucchini bread is going straight to your hips. You can thank us later. (NYT) Sorry to break […]

David Letterman reveals his being victim of a $2 million extortion attempt—after having been sexually involved with several female members of his staff!  The number of entries in Letterman’s Top 10 List of Extortion Attempts has just increased—to one entry! Columbia climate experts have let Global Warming off the hook, attributing the recent Southeast drought […]

We know what Columbia could have looked like, but what about all of Manhattan?  Pull out your overpriced touch screen device to find out. Sully and that other guy are back together again.  Sully says, “And I’m never going to lose you as a friend.” It doesn’t just happen in the movies.  People run towards […]

Horrified by the Swan Wars of Prospect Park Lake, Brooklynites man the front lines. (City Room) Apple receives patent for some pretty horrific-looking TV glasses. (Gawker) No online reports means no repairs to your housing. Yeah, shocker, we all rely on the internet.  (Spec) A horribly low turnout marked yesterday’s run-off elections. DeBlasio and Liu […]

Barnard girls just can’t decide who they want to be president — lets hope no one demands a recount (Spec). Rich people are getting old men arrested for trying to save cats (NY Post). Columbia students are allowed to go places no one else gets to go, but not on the South Lawn (Spec). Super […]

Dying from a heart attack, seizing up, or miscarrying from the swine flu vaccine? The Feds say not to worry, this kind of stuff happens all the time, vaccine or no vaccine. (NYT) Support or disagree with a University Senate-imposed Smoking ban? Hold your horses! In their first meeting of the year, PrezBo reminded them […]

Legions of wild skunks are fleeing their homes in the Bronx—and taking up residence in Upper Manhattan. It’s only a matter of time before they breach Columbia’s gates, it seems. And Bwog has been looking to expand Hawkmadinejad’s diet… (NYT) Clifton Maloney, husband of Manhattan-Queens Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, died while descending a mountain in the […]

Open the G-20 economic summit a la President Obama, denouncing Iran for harboring a secret nuclear facility and “breaking rules that all nations must follow.” (NY Daily News) Take a hint from the 1199 Service Employees International Union, and “hash out” a heated contract negotiation with Columbia University Medical Center. (Spec) Join environmental groups in […]

Crabby New Yorkers prefer flight delays. (City Room) Crabby insects chomp on college students. (WCBS) Crabby vendors must turn your stomach. (NY1) Crabby stuffed creatures flee Fifth Avenue. (City Room) Crabby citizens save more money. (Crain’s) Photo via Flickr