They may have already given their speeches, but this doesn’t mean there isn’t more wisdom to go around! We asked the valedictorians and salutatorians of the Class of 2011 some questions, and they gave us very clever ways of avoiding the infamous oral sex question. Did you do anything special to celebrate? Margot (CC Valedictorian): […]

Name, school: Jonathan Tanners, CC Claim to fame: My voice travels through walls, I have decent facial hair, and my advisor told me I was a bad person freshman year because I didn’t want to take any classes before 11:30AM. Somehow I managed to wake up and be a cofounder of CUSH (the Columbia University […]

A change in tone from past Senior Wisdoms—below, hear from a vocal campus activist. Name, school: Cara Buchanan, Columbia College Claim to fame: Hometown: born & raised in fabulous las vega$ Mom: $tripper Dad: pimp Residence: Caesar’s Palace during the week, the Bellagio on weekends Where are you going? … off to DC to work […]

Remember when? She does. Name, school: Sarah Sechan, GS/JTS Claim to fame: Proud owner of the giant inflatable penis responsible for GiantInflatablePenisGate. Former CUMB Spirit Manager and Wind Ensemble VP. Badass French horn player and Cougar Town aficionado. Where are you going? I’m staying at the Jewish Theological Seminary for a MA in Jewish Experiential […]

The Austin Quigley Black Box Theater was once temporarily renamed the Ajit C. Pillai Memorial Theater. Next, hear from the Swedish Lerner tech wizard, who hopes to match his father’s record of visiting all six inhabitable continents. Name, School: Ajit C. Pillai, SEAS ’11. Claim to Fame: Produced the 116th Annual Varsity Show, active in Columbia […]

The next illustrious senior worked at a morgue and got naked. Not at the same time, though. Name, School: Derek Lipscomb, Columbia College Claim to Fame: An All-American Captain rugby player on the team for the school. Known more for posing nude in Columbia Rugby’s ONLY calendar as Mr. September. (there may be a few […]

Name, school: Zach Dyer, CC Claim to fame: I was a Public Safety officer in the 114th Varsity Show, Managing Editor of The Eye, Spectrum daily and deputy editor, a COHOP leader, and a member of CAVA. But I’m most known as that guy with the highly acclaimed beard who asks for biscotti blended into his […]

Name, school: “Roxanne” Unger, CC Claim to fame: Two things: COÖP Coordinator and sophomore year I ate only one color every day for a week with my roommate Nora Rodriguez. Blue day was the hardest (blueberries and Hpnotiq). Where are you going? I’ll probably get a professional job or career at some point. Once that’s […]

Name, school: Grace Laidlaw, Columbia College Claim to fame: Director of Nightline (Dec. ’09-Dec. ’10); Scriba, then Whip of the Philolexian Society; Writer for CCT; Maker-upper of puns Where are you going? Stay tuned. I know I will. Three things you learned at Columbia: 1. That clothing can be purchased by the pound. 2. That […]

Name, school: Jonathan Jager, GS/JTS Claim to fame: You may remember me from such places as the Marching Band (former Drum Major and Head Bananager) and various campus theatre events (CMTS, KCST, CUP, CUPAL, and the Theatre Department). I was also in an episode of BwogWeather. Where are you going? Uptown to live, downtown to work. I’ll […]

Name, school: Akhil Mehta, SEAS Claim to fame: Former publisher of the Columbia Spectator and one time water polo “freshman phenom” Where are you going? First to Europe with Doug Yolen and Keshal Patel, then to a cubicle in midtown. Three things you learned at Columbia: Columbia always thinks of you as a liability, especially when you […]

Name, school: Alyssa Lamontagne, Columbia College Claim to fame: In the immortal words of the Barenaked Ladies, “I have a history of taking off my shirt.” I wish that weren’t so true. On a more serious note, I was the Editor in Chief of C-Spot for the last two issues, the token silly old man in King’s […]

Name, school: Avi Edelman, BC (see below) Claim to fame: President of EAAH, Co-author of “Columbia students living in sin” policy, that guy who gives Spec quotes about safe spaces… Where are you going? First, being Camp Director of a sleepaway camp in bumblefuck, MD. Next, juggling knives in Union Square until someone offers me a […]

Name, school: Aarti Iyer, CC Claim to fame: Spec columnist, former co-editor-in-chief of The Fed, co-creator of LateNite celebrity “Lee Kim,” your friend who’s a Republican. Where are you going? The University of Chicago Law School. I was suspended for writing a blog about my high school when I was 14, and ever since I’ve been […]

A record five-time SW nominee, this gal has reportedly “climbed unclimbable peaks.” Name, school: Simone Foxman, CC Claim to fame: Well, you might remember me because I’m that person you ran into on College Walk the other day because I was engrossed in an article I was reading on my phone. Can I say mind control device? […]