Dear Bwog returns once again to help you solve your collegiate quandaries. We’ve taken on the Hellevator, and the delirious cram sesh. Below, Bubbe Bwog answers another pressing question: Are you just sleepy and bitter, or is there a line one (two) can cross as a Butler couple? And yes, these are real emails tipped to Bwog. Share your own snafus with firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll offer some humble weblog wisdom.
I just wanted to notify you, and everyone else, that there is a heinously o-so-in-love couple in the Butler lounge near the Café entrance (freshman, no doubt) who have been making out, groping, and dry humping on our precious arm chairs for a good three hours now. I would have photographed these gems, but why would I want to make everyone vomit, as I have just done? Keep an eye out for a girl in a black t-shirt and jeans and boy with a tight jew fro.
THESE TWO MEAN TROUBLE.
Dear Anti-Chunder Patrol,
Agreed, we’ve all seen it before. Blatantly g-chatting the person sitting next to you while even more blatantly fondling his or her leg is NOT acceptable behavior. And that full on dry humping you describe is truly unforgivable. To the innocent observer caught in the line of fire, the best thing is probably to glare sassily and leave. It’s just not worth the confrontation or heroically holding onto your ref room seat. Otherwise you’ll be trying in vain to block out audible smooches all night, while secretly wishing you had someone next to you too. Watching couples bask in all their coupliness just makes you feel lonelier than necessary, so it’s much better to go sit with a friend or be that kid who blasts Odd Future just a little louder than necessary (incredibly sexist and inappropriate but ridiculously catchy—conundrum!).
And to the happy couple, it’s actually an important step in a relationship to learn how to be with someone without being all over them. For the studious singleton plowing through reading late at night, everything is a massive distraction. That means someone is listening to every one of those whispered sweet nothings, cringing at every wet kiss, and reading each of those dumb notes you’re passing back and forth. And they’re judging you. It might be worth considering going to seal the deal in the stacks—at least that’s romantic in a daring way. PDA in Butler is the John Jate of romantic dinners, it’s uncomfortable for everyone watching and shows a lack of effort. We’ve always encouraged you to date and copulate, but separate your work from your pleasure and show that special somebody you care.
All my (non-public) lovin’,
Thing that was super cool/groundbreaking in the 90s via Wikimedia Commons.