Apr

20

Product Review: Bazic Rubber Bands, Assorted Sizes

Written by

The standard, half-pound variety

The standard, half-pound variety

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single student in possession of a stack of index cards must be in want of a rubber band. Other fasteners—binder clips, scotch tape, yarn, plastic boxes—are scarcely worth considering, for reasons that won’t be discussed here.

And yet, even with the certainty that one needs a healthy collection of rubber bands (it’s an adult, professional thing to have), it’s easy to find oneself directionless in the global office supply marketplace. Let this be the first step in your market research.

Aesthetically speaking, these rubber bands do not live up to expectations, let alone promises. Contrary to the impression given by the product image, the color distribution is far from even. Whereas the product description suggests a veritable cornucopia of reds, blues, and greens, the result for many customers is a bland combination of tans and blues, with the odd green or red tossed in as a gesture.

Indeed, this seems to be the main gripe on the product’s Amazon page. Strangely, though, a few customers report an even distribution of orange, blue, tan, and green rubber bands; it is this writer’s suspicion that Bazic produces their rubber bands at a range of factories, some with more rigorous quality control practices than others. A representative for the company could not be reached in time for this review.

The quality control standards is called into further question by the prevalence of printed text on many of the rubber bands. Nearly all of the blue rubber bands, for example, are emblazoned with “Produce of Mexico PLU 4080 GRUPO FIGUEROA.” A Google search for Grupo Figueroa returns results for for an enigmatic Peruvian firm and a Spanish construction company. Text on other rubber bands (“ALTAR ASPARAGUS #4080”) suggests that they were somehow used in conjunction with agriculture; how Grupo Figueroa ties into Altar Produce‘s supply chain is anyone’s guess. How all of this ties into Bazic’s manufacturing process is still more mysterious.

What I have lately said of painting is equally true with respect to poetry. It is only necessary for us to know what is really excellent, and venture to give it expression; and that is saying much in few words. To-day I have had a scene, which, if literally related, would, make the most beautiful idyl in the world. But why should I talk of poetry and scenes and idyls? Can we never take pleasure in nature without having recourse to art?

If you expect anything grand or magnificent from this introduction, you will be sadly mistaken. It relates merely to a peasant-lad, who has excited in me the warmest interest. As usual, I shall tell my story badly; and you, as usual, will think me extravagant. It is Walheim once more–always Walheim–which produces these wonderful phenomena.

A party had assembled outside the house under the linden-trees, to drink coffee. The company did not exactly please me; and, under one pretext or another, I lingered behind.

A peasant came from an adjoining house, and set to work arranging some part of the same plough which I had lately sketched. His appearance pleased me; and I spoke to him, inquired about his circumstances, made his acquaintance, and, as is my wont with persons of that class, was soon admitted into his confidence. He said he was in the service of a young widow, who set great store by him. He spoke so much of his mistress, and praised her so extravagantly, that I could soon see he was desperately in love with her. “She is no longer young,” he said: “and she was treated so badly by her former husband that she does not mean to marry again.” From his account it was so evident what incomparable charms she possessed for him, and how ardently he wished she would select him to extinguish the recollection of her first husband’s misconduct, that I should have to repeat his own words in order to describe the depth of the poor fellow’s attachment, truth, and devotion.

It would, in fact, require the gifts of a great poet to convey the expression of his features, the harmony of his voice, and the heavenly fire of his eye. No words can portray the tenderness of his every movement and of every feature: no effort of mine could do justice to the scene. His alarm lest I should misconceive his position with regard to his mistress, or question the propriety of her conduct, touched me particularly. The charming manner with which he described her form and person, which, without possessing the graces of youth, won and attached him to her, is inexpressible, and must be left to the imagination. I have never in my life witnessed or fancied or conceived the possibility of such intense devotion, such ardent affections, united with so much purity. Do not blame me if I say that the recollection of this innocence and truth is deeply impressed upon my very soul; that this picture of fidelity and tenderness haunts me everywhere; and that my own heart, as though enkindled by the flame, glows and burns within me.

I mean now to try and see her as soon as I can: or perhaps, on second thought, I had better not; it is better I should behold her through the eyes of her lover. To my sight, perhaps, she would not appear as she now stands before me; and why should I destroy so sweet a picture?

Assorted Dimensions Rubber Bands, Multi Color (465-48P)
Mfg. Bazic Products/Bangkit U.S.A. Inc.
227g/0.5 lbs. $4.60 via Amazon.

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7 Comments

  1. switching to spec  

    who the fuck is running bwog these days

  2. Anonymous  

    Makes sense this was written on 4/20. I can smell the author's weed through my computer screen. Strangest thing I've read all day.

  3. You know, I'm starting to love the Internet again.

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