Renaissance garb is definitely a bad omen for your GPA.

It’s the first day of class. The professor stands at the front of the class. You’ve heard only good things about her, but there is a wild card in the room in the form of the small legion of teaching assistants. They are the ones that will be pouring over whatever garbage you turn in and ultimately decide your grade. They are mysterious people. This guide, brought to you by Bwogger Jack Treanor, will help you predict how they’ll grade based on the only thing you know about them, what they are wearing.

Scarf: A distinctly graduate student fashion choice, the scarf suggests a love of the creative and an appreciation of nuanced arguments. However, you have neither, so while your bullshit about “Pre-post-neo-colonial attitudes towards nude art” will pique their interest, it, like your eventual grade, will ultimately fall flat. Grade: B

Raggedy sneakers: Your TA is taking seven classes and hasn’t looked at the problem set yet. When they finally find the time to grade your stuff you’ll be shocked to realize they’re actually a genius and you are not. Grade: C+

“Nerd” glasses: A connoisseur of fine art and architecture. Someone in the class is going to be their muse. It unfortunately will not be you. Fear not though, they’ll appreciate you more when you’re the only one still coming to discussion section after spring break. Grade: B+

Tight jeans: They bike to campus from their fifth floor walk-up in Hell’s Kitchen so you better bet they’re gonna show off their legs. They have a love for adventure and bold arguments. They’re gonna see genius in anything you write so just make sure you turn something in. Grade: A-

Srat Apparel: Oh no, your TA is an undergrad. This doesn’t bode well for you. They somehow have their lives put together enough to be vice-president of their srat, run their own company, AND grade your midterm. Don’t expect them to understand when you ask for extensions due to “unforeseen difficulties”, the concept is foreign to them. Grade: B-

Zooey Deschanel Clothing: Your TA is a post-doc doing advanced research in neurobiology and its relationship to the human conception of self, but they are also teaching fro-sci. Grade: A, maybe A+

Black Plastic Casing: Your TA is actually a scantron. Sorry, you’re screwed. Grade: C-

Image via Wikimedia Commons