Sep

6

What Constitutes The Quintessential Columbia Student?

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I’m sorry I’m really bad at making starter packs

We might all think we’re special and unique, but the fact of the matter is that we Columbia students are all sort of similar. If you feel attacked by this post, or don’t, let us know why in the comments below.

A typical Columbia student on any given day is wearing Stan Smiths (dirty) or Timbs (clean). The jeans (mom or dad, either variety) are cuffed and paired with an obscure vintage t-shirt or a crop top. A thrifted neon (pink or yellow) windbreaker hangs over the shoulders, laden with the weight of the world and the sorrows of humankind. A rolled cigarette (filter optional) is in one hand, and a volume of Kerouac or Plato in the other.

Contrary to this alternative look, this student is majoring in something mainstream that Wall Street likes: financial economics, political science, or economics. However, as a high school senior, eager to fulfill a dream of Ivy League elitism in any way possible, they applied as a South Asian Comparative Literature major with a concentration in Slavic Studies. They will tell you they love Tolstoy, but Sparknoted Crime and Punishment in Lit Hum. Perhaps they consider themselves above Dostoevsky’s brand of Russian angst. It’s a well-known fact that red meat increases the chances of getting cancer, so this student is vegan, but you can catch them on a Saturday night downing shots of cheap tequila infused with ecstasy or cocaine (disclaimer: Bwog does not condone the use of illegal drugs or underage drinking).

Despite a Twitter full of anti-capitalist memes and communist article retweets, there is a Morgan Stanley or Goldman Sachs entrance test prep book hidden away in this student’s bookshelf in Wien, Ruggles, or EC. Or alternatively, they live in Greenborough but never recycle or compost back home. They will tell you that the trolley lever definitely should be pulled, but will demonstrate immense outrage at the immorality of Omelas.

Columbia Student starter pack via Youngweon Lee

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous  

    If you're a financial econ major please do take this seriously

  2. very attacked  

    You leave my Stan Smiths alone!

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