Columbia Libraries As Cheeses

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if you want some gourmet cheese, Avery is the place to be!

Cheese is a versatile element of modern culinary living. It can be put on bread or crackers, inserted into a sandwich or burger, melted into a grilled cheese or quesadilla, or simply just eaten alone. Libraries are just like cheese: they have tons of uses and can foster a sense of community based on how much you hate a certain one (or love, but mostly hate). Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of libraries at Columbia as cheeses, so that you can choose your next study spot based on the cheeses you like, or so that you can choose your next cheese based on the libraries you like.

Avery (Brie): Walking into Avery, you’ll see a noticeably larger concentration of art students who are dressed better than you, diligently working on their next project. Just by looking at the people in Avery, you can tell that the mood is very sophisticated, as expected from an architectural and fine arts library. Brie, like Avery, is a sophisticated cheese (and tastes better with wine).

Butler (Sharp Cheddar): Sharp cheddar is objectively the most basic cheese. Everyone and their mother eats it. People pretend to love it, but they usually only eat it because it’s the most accessible cheese. Butler is specifically sharp cheddar because of how stressful it is, having a much harsher and distinct taste than just regular cheddar.

East Asian (Colby): Colby is physically similar to sharp cheddar, just as how the East Asian library and Butler are both physically beautiful. Colby, however, is much creamier, subtler in taste, and overall better than sharp cheddar, like how the East Asian Library is cozier, quieter, and better than Butler.

LeFrak Center/Barnard Library (Cream Cheese): LeFrak is nice and homey, and has a metaphorically creamy consistency. But just as cream cheese isn’t real cheese, LeFrak isn’t a real library.

Lehman (Swiss): Swiss cheese is good, but the holes in it remind you of how empty you feel inside, so you avoid eating too much of it. The Lehman Social Sciences Library is good for short periods of time, because staying for too long makes you realize how much you hate yourself when watching grad students laboring away at their work.

Mathematics (Blue Cheese): Everyone knows the Mathematics Library exists, but never really acknowledges it, like blue cheese. People who claim to have tried blue cheese and the mathematics library say they don’t like it, but the ones who actually have tried them know that they’re actually pretty good.

Science and Engineering (Feta): Often called the “healthier” cheese, feta is a lighter alternative to the more fatty cheeses. The glass-paneled design of NoCo allows a lot of natural light to pass through, making studying in the Science and Engineering Library during the day feel a little less stressful. The stress starts to kick in, though, when it’s late at night and you start eating feta as a midnight snack and can’t stop, cancelling out all the health benefits of it.

Image via Public Domain

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