Maybe I’ll find a sad Columbia boy in here!

Have you ever wanted to stay in touch with your friends at other schools by sending them packages? Have any friends request that you send them something that you can only get at Columbia, but didn’t know what to get them? Well, here’s a preliminary list of unique Columbia items to mail to that friend from high school who won’t stop asking you for “a taste of New York City.”

Vomit from Carman Hall: Relive your NSOP days and show your friends just what orientation was like for you!

A Bowl of Steaming Pasta from Ferris: Cold Ferris pasta just won’t cut it. Don’t worry about the pasta losing heat when being shipped to your friends since thermodynamics is just a social construct.

An Abandoned iPhone Charger from the Butler Ref Room: Because everyone is always forgetting to pick up their belongings (usually the smaller ones) after they leave Butler.

An Hour of Hygiene Time: From your two hours, of course. That leaves you with only an hour of hygiene time per week for yourself, but you can just compensate for it by tapping into your nine hours of free time.

A Barnard ID from the Front Desk at EC on a Saturday Night: This may be hard to get, but there are plenty to choose from!

A Ton of Fucking Pigeons: Your friends may have seen pigeons, but have they ever encountered Columbia pigeons? Those things are vicious, showing no mercy, not even to the most kindhearted of people.

A Sad Columbia Boy: This one is pretty self-explanatory.

Image via public domain