A Columbia Student Wrote A Song About JJ’s

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January 26 will forever be known as the date this Columbia student penned a true masterpiece of Western literature and humanities.

Beethoven, Sappho, Liszt, Mozart, move over. A Columbia Yelp reviewer has come to town.

As I was browsing Yelp reviews of JJ’s the other day, I discovered that a Columbia student had written a song about JJ’s in the reviews section. Yep. I’m….speechless. The song is to the tune of “No More Parties in LA” by Kanye West, and it utilizes such a sublime flow and lyricism that is to this date unparalleled by even Sappho herself. Honestly, what more can I say about it? The full lyrics are included below, as well as the song “No More Parties in LA” to give you an idea for the melody.

No more parties in JJ’s

Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s, uh
No more parties in JJ’s
Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s., uh
No more (John Jay)

Hey baby you forgot your french fries
Not cooked in peanut oil like Five Guys’
It was more than soft porn for the K-man
Hacked my diet like when I was selling them Rayban
Kashi no subete wo tabete, ureshikatta
On that air hockey table, I’m gonna play.
Gotta steal all them freshie swipes; they gonna pay
And I guess I can say hi to Iris, along the way.

No more parties in JJ’s
Please, baby, no more parties in JJ’s

So you pregamed ya pregame
Drinks before noon JJ’s soon there is no shame
Going straight for the mozzarella sticks
And foosball scores three meals a day hat tricks.

I am here waiting for the ghost of Kerouac
Just to tell him when you near my fortune cookies, step back.

I just keep on lovin’ you, baby
And there’s no one else I know who can take your place

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