Nov

18

Nine Ways Of Saying “No” To a Threesome

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I don’t what the fuck this is/means, but this is what came up when I searched “no thanks” on Google. So you’re welcome.

With the onslaught of Thanksgiving, Bwog baby Idris O’Neill wanted to give thanks, or rather a no thanks, to all those Columbia men that ask girls to be part of their threesome fantasies. Here are her thoughts.

For the second time in a month, I was asked to be a part of a threesome. I don’t know what it is about being a Barnard first year that entices these men, but I promise I don’t believe in the “Barnard girls to bed, Columbia girls to wed” thing. I aspire for that ring too, goddammit. This one is for all the Barnard women who find themselves confronted with that awkward “you, me, her” (or him or them) suggestion, but were not adequately prepped by Foundations for it.

  1. “I have to go – I have to swipe into JJ’s before 1 am.”
  2. “This isn’t a Bechdel-passing interaction.”
  3. “I have to consult Athena first.”
  4. “I’m not sure which one of you I would call ‘daddy.’”
  5. “These chastity gates are closed.”
  6. “This threesome isn’t very diverse. I’d prefer my sexual interactions to look like the cover of an admissions pamphlet.”
  7. “Let’s unpack the gender politics of this.”
  8. “There’s more men in this interaction than I’d like in my life, ever.”
  9. “I’m concerned about how performative my bisexuality will appear.”

Get out of my life please via Pixabay

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2 Comments

  1. Honestly

    Girls don't like threesomes because they're just jealous of each other. I know this is a shocker, but girls are petty and don't exactly get along.

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