Nov

21

How To Turkey Drop It Like It’s Hot

Written by

Your SO flying back to school

If you’re one of the many who stuck with your high school sweetheart after graduation, you’re probably feeling ready to dump them just about now. Maybe you’ve found yourself ignoring their calls so you can go to that EC party. Maybe you’re sick of having to catch them up on all the slang that once sounded foreign but now rolls off your tongue–words like Prezbo, DSpar, SIPA, CAVA, etc. Maybe you’re just bored of a relationship that seems to exist solely of text messages and Skype calls where you run out of things to say after 20 minutes. You’ve also probably been dreaming of stacks hookups with your not-quite-so platonic study buddy. And now that you’ll finally be in the same place as your SO for the first time since August, there’s no better time to end it once and for all.

First, it’s absolutely necessary to see them in person. It will likely solidify your conviction that you and your soon-to-be ex have grown too far apart to make it as a couple. Plus, don’t be that jerk who breaks up with someone over text.

After you’ve broached the topic of your relationship, you might find that they’ve been feeling the same way. If that’s the case, you can both happily go your separate ways. If they don’t want to break up, than unfortunately, you’re the bad guy in this case. We recommend not telling them that you want to break up because there are way cuter people in much closer proximity. Instead, say you want to focus on academics, or the new clubs you’ve joined, or that you don’t want to be tied to your hometown anymore.

No matter what you say, they’ll probably be upset. Let them get out all their anger and hurt. This is the hardest part, but if it’s going on way too long you can always use the excuse of family obligations to leave before they actually run out of steam.

Congratulations! You’ve executed a successful turkey drop. If that sounds like too much emotional effort, you can always not say anything and hope they dump you first.

 

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