Jan

27

Where Does My Roommate Go At Night?

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Does the other side of your room always look like this, too?

After a semester of living together, I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the signs of an impending apocalypse is a night where my roommate comes back to our room before me. No matter if it’s the weekend or a week day, no matter if I get back 8 pm or 3 am, she’s still out, studying in Butler or hanging out with her friends because she’s both a better student and more social than me. However, I feel like there could be an alternative explanation, and I’ve spent the last several months wondering: where could my roommate be going at night? Here are the possibilities I’ve come up with:

  • The most obvious: she’s a vampire or werewolf and doesn’t want me to know.
  • Less obvious: she’s a Gremlin, and is attempting to convince the JJ’s staff to feed her after midnight.
  • She’s pretending to be enrolled at NYU and has to spend the night there to keep up appearances.
  • There are 9 feral turtles that live in the John Jay basement, and she feeds them at night,
  • She’s attempting to recreate the first splitting of the atom in the Pupin Basement.
  • We’ve got a 12 Dancing Princesses situation going on, and she’s dancing the night away in the tunnels under Columbia.
  • By day, she’s a Columbia student. By night, she’s working undercover with Public Safety to uncover the source of the weed smell that permeates all of Carman.
  • She secretly hates me and never wants to see my face.

Empty bed via Flickr

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