Please think twice before choosing Moonlight Sonata. I’m begging you.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that, no matter what time it is, if there is a piano in the vicinity, any Columbia student who can play it will play it.  Love it or hate it, we’re never going to get them to stop, so here’s some suggestions to make the soundtrack to our studying slightly more bearable. Put your requests in the comments!

  1. Piano Man, Billy Joel: Honestly, it’s just the first thing I thought of when I thought of pianos but upon further investigation, it’s generally a nice song, and you can definitely adapt the lyrics to the people sitting around you, and their sad, studious little lives.
  2. Heart And Soul​:  This might be basic, as a duet, you have to force someone to play with you. This way, no one will wonder if the reason you’re playing the piano in Lerner at 1 am is because you have no friends.
  3. 1812 Overture, Tchaikovsky: If you’re dramatic enough to choose this suggestion, you are definitely dramatic enough to bring in an entire orchestra to the piano lounge, cannon included. I applaud you.
  4. Rondo Alla Turca, Mozart: Play this if you want to amuse all the people who are hanging out and annoy all the people who are trying to get work done. Plus, it moves fast enough that it’ll wake up anyone who fell asleep on top of their chemistry textbook.
  5. Bring Me To Life, Evanescence: A throwback to the good old days of middle school angst and yelling at your mom because she “just doesn’t understand.” Lets everyone around you know that even though you play the piano, you were an emo kid once too.
  6. Gymnopédies, Satie: This also allows you to get in touch with your emo side, but in the most bougie way possible. It’s really pretty though.
  7. Linus and Lucy, A Charlie Brown Christmas: You might not recognize the title but you’d recognize the song as soon as you heard it. It’s the closest thing to a theme song Charlie Brown has, and guaranteed to bring a smile to the face of anyone who hears it.
  8. A Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton: This song is iconic and everyone around you will thank you for the sing-along you’ll inevitably inspire.
  9. Mii Channel Theme Song: Shows your sense of humor and impeccable sense of taste. This song is perfect and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.
  10. Nocturne in E-flat major, Op. 9, No. 2, Chopin: Lets people know that you have an emotional side, but also tells people that you only play pieces that other people know. You like Chopin, but only his popular stuff. (Fun fact: Chopin changed his name from Fryderyk Franciszek Chopin to Frédéric François Chopin. Similarly, your semester at Reid Hall or Sciences Po made you a new person. “Paris changed me,” you say, which is obvious considering your newfound love for Flaubert and Victor Hugo)
  11. 4′ 33″, John Cage: Please just give us five minutes of peace. That’s all we ask for.

tickle those ivories via Public Domain