Field Notes: Issa Rae Edition
Written by Thomas Saenz
Bwog is back and better than ever from a long, crazy weekend. From celebrity meetups to scaring poor tourists away, here is a collection of the highlights of our Staff writers’ weekends. If you have any stories you would like to contribute, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will add it to this week’s edition!
Bwog and Food/Drink:
- Talked shit over vodka sodas with a friend like i was on Sex and the City.
- Ate a Stews meatball after it had fallen on the floor of an Academy bus (I think).
- Spent approx. 1/6th of my current remaining money on a dozen Absolute bagels.
- Pregamed the Olympic Opening Ceremony at an event called “Miracle on Smirnoff Ice.” Took a shot every time the NBC commentators made some dumb comment about nature and man being in harmony. Subsequently got wasted.
- Had a bomb smores reeses cake at an otherwise terribly-mediocre rowing party.
- Fought management at Carmine’s for a table.
- Ate fancy bread pudding with jalapeño ice cream.
- Got very drunk very quickly with my roommate. Ended up leaving Mel’s at 1 in a cab and we caused a scene in front of Appletree because I was screaming because my friend was trying to run back to Mel’s.
Drank Smirnoff Ice and listened to early 2000’s music whilst watching my friends fill out the Datamatch survey.
Got stoned and called a spa in the UWS that I frequent to ask them what their spaghetti policy is. Laughed harder than I should have for longer than I should have.
Bwog on Campus:
- Tripped on ice in front of a tour group (not Columbia affiliated?) and fell; screamed “FUCK” so loud when hitting the ground that I’m pretty sure I scared half of them away from ever coming back to Columbia. Bruised physically and emotionally from this.
- Watched a girl in JJ’s have a drunken breakdown over how much she misses Michelle Obama.
- Went to the gym????!! Wow.
- Slipped down, got up, then slipped down again on the Pupin stairs. They made the first bomb there or something why don’t those things have friction.
- Have been trapped in my room since Wednesday because of the flu…had to cancel every single one of my weekend plans :(
- Had to help my roommate back onto her bed after she fell off because she was too drunk.
- Finessed a single in 4-person Ruggles suite next year through being an RA rider.
- Ate at JJ’s after every night out this weekend. Later found out I gained 2 pounds :/
- Spent my whole Saturday hungover and was deciding whether to throw up in Butler or walk home in the rain. Chose the latter.
Bwog in the City:
- Screamed “I SWEAR I WAS AT A FUNERAL” whilst wearing a see through shirt when I saw my TA who gave me a paper extension at 1020.
- Spent a whole night lying down in the back booth of 1020.
- Went to Scranton.
Smoked one hit of a joint and got high enough to forget how to get home. Almost got on the 5 train then ran when I realized I needed the NQR. Then got off at 14th – union square because I thought I was at the 14th stop on the west side. Was sober by time I got home.
Made eye contact with Issa Rae.
Hugged Issa Rae.
Issa Rae told me to have a great semester.
- Chilled outside Junzi late night waiting for friends and listened to LITERALLY EVERYONE say “woah, Junzi is lit” as they passed by. Not a single person refrained from commenting about how lit Nunzi was. Not a single. person.
- Ran into several yung bwoggers at Junzi late night (which was indeed lit!)
- Had a really wholesome day at an art museum with my dad!
- Went downtown at 5 A.M. to try to get Waitress rush tickets. Awkwardly met my first year roommate in the line, who had been waiting since 2:30 AM. Didn’t get rush tickets.
- DJed Junzi late night.
- Got the band briefly lost in Connecticut. Spent 10 agonizing minutes watching the bus driver backed out of a dead end street.
- Went to the Met to see the Michelangelo exhibit and spent more time trying to get back than I did at the museum.
Bwog and Love:
- “Broke up” with my “boyfriend” of one week because I realized the last thing I want is a relationship right now.
- Was talking to a Bumble match and then he sent me a picture of himself with one of my old Tinder dates. I then had a convo with the Tinder date through the Bumble match.
- Planned my first-ever Valentine’s Day date! It’s over Skype but I’m counting it.
- Made out with a Catholic dude who later told me he was waiting for marriage.
- Plotted how to make my single gay classmate fall in love with me.
- Roommate got all gooey with her boyfriend while I was there and was actually nauseated.
- Set up three dates and flaked on them all. (Instead ended up with the Dora the Explorer heir again and watched his shitty movie that he sold to Netflix).
- Boyfriend visited and we got a hotel room because my roommate refuses to be sexiled.
- Spent the weekend with my donkey named Jezebel.
- Slept. A lot.
- Used a toe nail clipper as an earring.
- Rewatched Westworld. Realized there’s more than one park!
- Stole a bouquet of inaugural flowers.
- Got hazed.
- Rearranged and deep cleaned my room.
Got addicted to the Olympics; tweeted many times about the Olympics; fell in love with Canadian television coverage of the Olympics.
- Went running in the pouring rain to get over my hangover.
- Got drunk at West End and tested Ernest Hemingway’s “write drunk, edit sober” theory. …he was wrong.
- Told a friend that I was going to a concert that I wasn’t planning on going to and then bought a ticket just so I wouldn’t get caught in a lie.
I’m jealous Idris got to meet Issa via Creative Commons
Tags: field notes, hello mother, I fell in front of so many tourists it was horrifying, I wonder what every store's spaghetti policy is, issa rae is an icon, last post of the day I've done so much, never had absolute bagels, there's too many field notes to analyze so I will leave it at here