Columbia Crushes Callout
Written by Idris O'Neill
Tragically single Bwogger Idris O’Neill tackles the most pressing campus issue of our time: what the fuck happened to Columbia Crushes?
I’m just like any of you – hot, eligible, consistently refreshing Columbia Crushes’s Facebook page instead of just following it. I get the same euphoric feeling when someone mentions me and the same feeling of disgust when there is yet another post about an unshowered patron of Butler. But lately I just haven’t had the same feeling. Is it seasonal affective or is it the fact that Columbia Crushes hasn’t updated since January 31st? It’s been two weeks, Columbia Crushes, why are you holding my confessions hostage? I’m no Richard Shin, but I deserve love too.
The founders of Columbia Crushes caved into the claws of capitalism in January, asking that students submit confessions to their app Miniboard. A knock-off Yik Yak, the app is allegedly (I have not downloaded it myself nor do I ever plan to) not even allowing people to submit their crushes and is excluding a large demographic as the app is only available on iOS. While I don’t care much for the bureaucracy of app development, you’d think Columbia Crushes would take the hint that no one is using their app and just return to posting on Facebook. Alas, Columbia Crushes continues to ignore the pleas of students (their rating has dropped from 5 stars to 2.3 on Facebook, oops), even on the most tragic, lovesick day of the year. Please, Columbia Crushes, do the right thing and stop ruining my life. In the mean time, you can like Columbia Crushes 2.0 or join the Barnard-Columbia Missed Connections group on Facebook, of which I am still the funniest person, to ease your unreciprocated hearts.
On another note, Bwog received a tip about the death of Columbia Crushes on the same day I pitched this article, which means, in some way, Columbia Crushes is still out here finding me my soulmate. I see y’all making moves from the grave.
Me, being hilarious and single, from Columbia Crushes
Tags: bad bwitches only, let me be funny on columbia crushes bc i can't be the funniest at bwog, love is real but valentines day is not, no i did not write this post because i missed the personals deadline, though i may have actually missed the deadline