The Columbia Winter Olympics 2018

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The logo would probably be some abstracted sketch of Low Library.

What if the 2018 Winter Olympics were hosted at Columbia instead of Pyeongchang? Here’s Bwog’s list of Columbia’s  campus sports events, in the case that CU wins the 2026 Winter Olympics bid. 

  • A sprint to get signed into EC on a Friday night. The EC security guards would get to fire the starting pistol.
  • Slalom racing racing through Ferris past all the people blocking your way. Probably also avoiding a former hookup at the same time.
  • Dropping your silverware into the soap bucket in John Jay without getting splashed. Bonus points awarded if your fork still has a limp piece of lettuce on it.
  • Speed skating but it’s just trying not to step in all the puddles in the SEAS north area of campus. Where is all this water accumulating from? Can a STEM student explain this phenomenon to me please?

  • Instead of an ice skating routine, it’s just someone telling you in increasingly elaborate ways how little they’ve slept/how much coffee they’ve drunk/how fucked up they got on Saturday/how much work they have to do. Technically a version of a Summer Olympics sport, but as the guy sitting next to you in your discussion will tell you, the grind never stops, not even for winter.
  • The Women’s 100 meter sprint to JJ’s.  It happens every Friday and Saturday night at 12:57 am as Barnard students race to swipe in before JJ’s shuts us out.
  • Typing as loud as physically possible in lecture. In order to qualify, students have to begin typing as soon as the professor clears their throat.
  • A relay of people saying “just adding onto that” in class discussion. Instead of a doping scandal, the press would report on how the students that voiced the most comments were ones who hadn’t done any of the readings.
  • Vertically luging down an EC shaft.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

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