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Apr

5

Pratt Has Cats And Columbia Needs Some Stat

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I bet this costs approximately .00000000191 Manhattanvilles

Bwogger Isabel Sepulveda made a troubling discovery this weekend that could put Columbia’s rankings at risk. 

Last weekend, I took my younger sister on a whirlwind tour of some of the many, many colleges New York has to offer. One of said colleges was the Pratt Institute out in Brooklyn. At first, it seemed to be a relatively normal campus without too many qualities that made it stand out, aside from several giant statues of heads that dotted the campus (and the fact it was a campus in New York that actually, you know, has a campus). As we walked around, we noticed blue and white boxes next to what looked to be oversized bird-houses at random intervals. Upon closer inspection, we discovered they were feeding stations for campus cats. Campus! Cats!!!! A few minutes later, we actually saw some of them and they were the best thing I’ve seen in my entire life. They even have their own (outdated) Instagram. I was tempted to turn in a transfer application on the spot.

Upon further research, this “Pratt cat” phenomenon is a result of a large stray cat population. Despite their unintentional origin, they’ve been embraced by students and faculty alike, with some staff taking in cats threatened with removal and a petition to keep them when they’ve been threatened in the past. This left me thinking about Columbia’s animal presence. Sure, plenty of people bring their dogs to campus, but they don’t stick around, they’re weather-dependent and it can be awkward to approach a stranger . What about all the cat people on campus? Columbia may tout itself as “the greatest school in the greatest city in the world” but I don’t see how we can keep that title when Pratt has this clear and obvious edge.

As such, I propose that, instead of Prezbo selling his Audi and moving to Aruba or spending millions of dollars on the Manhattanville campus, we invest some of that money where it would be best used: buying Columbia a campus cat (or several). Honestly, it makes way more sense for us to have cats than Pratt. Their mascot is a “Cannoneer,”

they ran away as i was trying to take this picture :(

whatever that is. Do you know what a lion is? It’s a really big cat. And, having seen all the Madagascar movies, I know forcing a real lion to live in NYC isn’t a good idea. Instead, we’d be investing in a bite-sized Roaree to bring to games, like the Yale bulldog, would make the trek up to Baker worth it.

Also, if Columbia is so concerned with stress culture on campus, this would be visible, direct action to combat the issue. It’s a built-in support cat wandering around campus, or in a campus building if anyone is worried about Manhattan traffic. Those with allergies or an aversion to cats could just avoid wherever it’s being kept or stick to petting CU’s many canine visitors. Adopting stray cats would do wonders for Columbia’s image, because we all know people can ignore human rights violations,

There’s literally no downside. Columbia needs to get a cat or risk mass transfers and being forced to change its tagline to “greatest school in the greatest borough in the world.”

prezbo i’m begging you via bwog staff

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