There’s a college on a hilltop…

New Bwogger Elle Ferguson is getting really tired of people asking her why she chose a women’s college. Empowerment, female leadership, an education for women by women… she’s recited the stump speech a hundred times. In this post, she goes beyond the traditional reasons and explores some other advantages of going to the greatest women’s college at the greatest university in the greatest city in the world.

With the relief of being accepted to college a question that haunts us for the rest of our lives: Why a women’s college? Your friends ask, your parents ask, your conservative uncle asks. Underneath every form of this inquiry is an underlying tone of shock, or even disapproval. Their real question is “You want to be at a school of just women? On purpose?”

We (Barnard students) have all heard this sort of question at some point in our college search, and have probably all given similar answers. “I want to be in an empowering environment!”, “I want teachers who value leadership qualities in women!”, “I’m tired of being overshadowed by men!” are all to some degree the responses we’ve handed people, whether they respond positively or just sigh and wonder why there aren’t men’s colleges if feminists really want equality. These phrases almost become automatic; we heard them at our first Barnard tour, we wrote them in our college essay, and we’ve now presented them 10284y38572 times to passive-aggressive inquiries.

But ladies, what if I told you that empowerment and intersectional gender equality don’t have to be the only reasons to partay at Barnard? The more I gave these answers to people, the more weight I felt on my shoulders. I asked myself, is it my responsibility to carry the feminist agenda for the next four years? Sure, that’s an important part of my life, but what do I really want at Barnard?

So, if you’re looking for more reasons to live it up at a women’s college, here are the real reasons you wanted the bold, beautiful, Barnard experience:

1. Be a lesbian. Duh! All women, all the time? That’s so gay. Sure, we’re not the gayest women’s college (Smith and Holyoke beat us there) but we’ve got a strong and fabulous gay community here.

2. Dance like a boss while studying for a job that will provide financial stability. We’ve heard about the dance program at Barnard: it’s baller. What else is baller? The academic stuff. Nowhere else can you dance at a professional level with your classmates and then head over to the library to study for your seminar.

3. When you get the motivation to put on makeup in the morning, your whole class will notice and appreciate it. Boys have no idea what women go through to look the way they do. For a lot of us, it doesn’t all happen naturally. At Barnard you’ll be applauded for doing your eyes and getting that new highlighter.

4. You need men to satisfy your sexual craving but don’t want to see them around ever. Maybe you’re in the heterosexual minority on campus — that’s not your fault. Love is love. Regardless of sexuality, we can all agree that polo-wearing, Juul-smoking, lacrosse-playing cis men get a little tiring. So for us, unlike the heteros at Mt. Holyoke or Smith, men are close enough that you don’t have to über to get dick, but you still don’t have to see your last cringey hook-up buddy in your residence halls.

5. You can walk around with minimal clothing in your residence hall with no worries. No pants, no problem. No one is concerned with what clothes you wear (or lack of) around your hall. Since there isn’t the possibility of creepy guys staring you down as you walk to the shower in your underwear, why the hell not? Strut your stuff. In fact, someone might compliment you on that new Victoria’s Secret.

6. Those connections tho. Even if you don’t want to be the next Angela Merkel or the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of our generation, chances are ⅔ of your graduating class will be. Your friends are the most badass bitches of our time and we got our alum to prove our winning streak. My twin sister was actually disappointed that she couldn’t move me into my dorm because she wouldn’t get to “embarrass [me] in front of the future women leaders of the world.” That’s right. You’ll be drinking and partying these next years with women who will someday rule the whole planet. That’s freaking awesome.

7. Make the conservative side of your family uncomfortable. In case it’s not already painfully clear to your family that you’re a raging feminist liberal, going to a women’s college will definitely be the nail in the coffin. Thanksgiving already sucks, why not just go all the way?

8. Practice witchcraft. Everyone knows witchcraft is an all-female specialty, and male energy really ruins the magical, demonic vibe. However, we do have male victims close by in case we need to practice our spells on humans or get ingredients for our potions.

So, Barnard babes, don’t waste any time thinking about the haters out there. They have no idea what they’re missing.

Has anyone else had the Barnard song stuck in their head since convocation? via Zack Abrams