Author Archive

May

12

img May 12, 20156:47 pmimg 3 Comments

This girl knows a thing or two about lurv

This girl knows a thing or two about lurv

What time is it? SUMMER TIME! As finals end, we know what’s really on your mind — or who. This summer, get up to get down with these handy summer lovin’ tips brought to you courtesy of Tats.

Dear Tats,

My year has been frigid and now that it’s toasty again, I’m lookin’ for a hot summer romance. What’s the best way for me to go about procuring a summer fling?

Rarin’ For Romance

Dear Rarin’,

It’s great that you’re looking for some action, and boy have I got some tips for you! Quench your thirst this summer with these no-fail strategies, informed by nothing but the finest pop culture references, to meeting the love of your life summer!

1. Heading off to camp? Follow your mother to the camp she cooks for and you too will meet the summer fling of your dreams while canoeing. Not super sure what else happens here, but I’m 95% confident you’ll sing something with a cute person, which is all that really matters.

2. Might not be a “summer fling” per se, but Troy and Gabriella have sure got it goin’ on for two high school-age youths! To achieve this power couple status, lurk your local/Alburquerque country club teen gatherings until someone forces your shy self into the spotlight with that mysterious local teen ;)) . You will inevitably wind up transferring anyway, so get excited for the love of your life~!

3. Looking for a long-distance romance? Jet off to Rome to find your identical twin pop sing diva a la Lizzie McGuire! It’s uncanny, the resemblance — almost like someone just put a dark-tressed wig on you. Note, however, that this fling truly is just a fling; inevitably, he’ll wind up a filthy lipsyncer. So annoying how they do that.

4. Let’s be real, what you really need is a sugar daddy/mama. Look no farther than the best role model in television history, Nate Archibald of Gossip Girl fame. Country clubs seem to be a theme here, but this time seek out the lonely, bored cougar, trapped in a loveless marriage with a penchant for trouble (second winky face). Hopefully she’s rich and will pay you lots. What’s love but a paycheck, anyway?

5. Or take a cue from the real royalty on Gossip Girl, i.e. Blair Cornelia Waldorf, and find yourself a hot eligible literal Prince Charming. He is moneyed, titled, and absolutely personality-less — a real catch! Spend your summer pining away in France as your cuter, funnier, livelier friend sleeps her way through the local bartenders. Never cease in your judgmental ways; your time too will come.

And who knows? According to the Holy Bible AKA Laguna Beach, Summer Can Last Forever. Mayhaps you shall be the new Stephen and Kristen — may your love see no ends.

XOXO,

Tats

Apr

14

img April 14, 20151:10 pmimg 0 Comments

"DO NOT MOVE  - ART - "

“DO NOT MOVE”
– ART –

You’re poor. Furniture’s expensive. But considering your complex manifold identity of both student and “New Yorker,” how important exactly are the two R’s: RA’s and RATS? Tats explores the hardhitting questions so you don’t have to.

Dear Tats,

I recently procured some lovely, perfectly innocuous furniture off the street — probably some nice couple donating their goods as they head off to procreate in the ‘burbs of Jersey. But to my surprise, those nearest and dearest to my heart — those, in short, that I expect to rejoice in my good fortune — betrayed my trust, citing “bedbugs” and “rodents.” My RA insists I cannot have said furnishings on the floor. Is this fair???

Screwed for Sofas

Dear Screwed,

Your RA, your friends, indeed the entire Internet is misinformed. Bed bugs are an urban legend. They do not actually exist. As for rats, you’d probably hear their cute little burrowing, or whatever the hell it is rats do. In all honesty, even if there were rats, you’d probably befriend them. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles said so, so I think it’s safe to say rats are friendly, definitely.

Indeed, I believe the real issue isn’t that you can’t make friends with rats. It’s that your friends are the real rats. Why can’t they support you for once? Why can’t they embrace the incredible finds on the side of the street? You’re a creative spirit, and you can’t be tamed. Was Miley penalized for her exploration of the darker sides of life? Obvs not, so why should you be? Take the chair.

As for the RA, he clearly suffers from a severe lack of nerves. What is life without a little bit of risk? Live on the edge, dear Screwed. Live on The Edge.

XOXO, Tats

A very lovely chair indeed via Broadway and 113th

Apr

1

img April 01, 20156:02 pmimg 0 Comments

shutterstock_143410588

You, basking in the light of Big Sean.

Just like your spirit, the weather too is drained. No worries though, because all that misery has to go somewhere, and this year, it’s the rain forecast on Bacchanal! Get hype!!!! Tats tells you how to dress well for the struggle.

Dear Tats,

It’s raining on Bacchanal! How can I look super cute while still maintaining my non-pneumatoid body?

Sincerely,

How Is It STILL Raining?

Dear How,

You tell me, man. These are dark times, dark days. I look out from my shafted Nussbaum room and can contemplate nothing but for the brute extent of misery that has followed me and ripped my soul asunder. Perhaps Camus was right that “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer,” but what for the interminable depths of… spring? What, then? We seem to have defeated the algorithm. Or has it defeated us?

To distract from the inevitable gloom of the human condition, consider not your soul, but your body. I speak, of course, about Bacchanal attire. At a staunch 50 degrees, the weather, like your complex, glittering personality (at least, according to Buzzfeed quizzes), defies definition and requires extensive meditation.

Like Buzzfeed, what role do I serve but a vessel for easier stomaching of your spirit? I suppose, whatwith the excess of intellect and introspection I possess, I might be able to recommend some excellent acceptable Bacchanal outfit choices.

1. Head to toe poncho, preferably in camo print. Better for lurking.

2. Never nude. Bonus points if you cry in the rain, shower scene style!

3. Become a human umbrella. Uncertain about execution, but just apply yourself better than you do to your classes and you should be just fine.

4. Make like a milliner and create your own hat. Felt, fur, khaki… the world is your oyster!!

5. A suit made entirely of your resumé. It’s never too late to land a summer internship. I hear Sean’s been looking…

Well, back to my tower. Now I’ve considered the most important issues of the day, I ought to get back to distracting myself with silly things like religious freedom and mafia worship. See you on the flip side.

JK nothing will ever make you feel this way again via Shutterstock

Mar

26

img March 26, 20151:33 pmimg 0 Comments

The universe to you right now.

The universe to you right now.

Spring break’s over. It’s somehow still cold. You’ve just flunked three consecutive midterms. Zayn left One Direction. We get it; March sucks. Here, our resident music aficionado and features editor Tatini Mal-Sarkar brings you precisely one hour’s worth of angry, angsty music to get you through these really terrible days.

1. Suffocation — Crystal Castles

You feel like you’re drowning too, don’t you? It’s the damn rain.

2. Violent Dreams — Crystal Castles

Don’t lie, you’ve had them too.

3. Let Me Break — You Love Her Coz She’s Dead

The title, the artist… Feel free to shake dramatically as you cry to this song.

4. Zero Life — Kap Bambino

You, for the rest of the semester.

5. Things That Are Bad For Me (Part 1) — Colleen Green

“Gotta stop doing things that are bad for me…” O K

6. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) — My Chemical Romance

Screw it. Who needs dignity?

7. The Boredom Is The Reason I Started Swimming. It’s Also The Reason I Started Sinking — The Front Bottoms

Again, screw it.

8. The Crying Game — Nicki Minaj

Is that what they call this, Nicki???

9. Bitch Theme — Bratmobile

This is the part where you alienate anyone who’s ever loved you, ever.

10. The New Year — Death Cab For Cutie

Hahahahaha, you thought this year would be different. Hahahahaha.

11. Cool Schmool — Bratmobile

You don’t need academics for a future. Screw academia. It’s just a massive circle jerk anyway.

12. Now I’m All Messed Up — Tegan and Sara

Don’t worry, Quin sisters, we’re right there with you.

13. Spaces — One Direction

Even Zayn grew up. Why can’t you???

14. So Appalled — Kanye, Jay-Z, everyone

“One hand in the air, if you don’t really care, middle finger in the air, if you don’t really care…”

15. No Role Modelz — J. Cole

Is there even anything/anyone we’re aspiring to??? What is the meaning of life??? Where are we even going???

16. Marilyn Monroe — Nicki Minaj

“It’s like all the good things, they fall apart.” Preach, babe.

Don’t worry, even Spotify hates you, probably

Mar

8

img March 08, 201512:05 pmimg 7 Comments

Ruggles, man.

Ruggles, man.

One week away from break, and Tats knows what’s on your (and everyone else’s) mind: housing. Here, some friendly, good-natured, completely accurate guidance from your neighborhood bastion of excellent advice and well-comported behavior.

Dear Tats,

Housing is approaching nigh’ and I know not what to do. I’m a rising junior and people keep talking about Ruggles — what is it actually? Why does everyone want it? Should I want it?

Disgruntled About Ruggles

Dear Disgruntled,

You have many a reason to be disgruntled! Ruggles, I assure you, is not worth the hype. Sure, there are walls painted colors other than your old cinderblock white Carman walls, and there’s an actual lounge you could fit useful things in, like pianos or a Dutch oven, but you can’t even read music and realistically, are you even going to cook?

Frankly, Disgruntled, I would not even entertain the notion of Ruggles. Far better to enjoy the pleasure and sanctity of a quiet little Broadway single or even the relaxing vibes of a Woodbridge suite. Here, ten reasons Ruggles is The Literal Worst Place On The Planet.

1. Mice. There are mice everywhere. Unlike anywhere else on campus, Ruggles is a safehaven for rodents. Live here, and you might even become one.

2. Terrible location. Who wants to live on 114th, right between Broadway and Amsterdam? Like, you couldn’t just pick one avenue and commit to it? Living in Ruggles would just be a perpetual reminder of the eternal existential crisis that have been your college years.

3. So many people. Honestly, do you even like seven other people on campus? Probs not, tbh.

4. Flesh eating bacteria everywhere. That many lazy college students, and what can you expect? And you thought McBain was bad.

5. Hardwood floors. Who the hell wants wood? This is college, the era of bristly, puke-stained, oddly-miscolored carpet.

6. No windows in the entire building. The entire goddamn building. Feels like a prison. Crazy, right? You’d think they’d have thought the layout better through.

7. Mad pigeons. Due to the lack of windows, they actually just burrow into the construction of the building. Honestly, it might even fall down some time soon.

8. No elevators either. Not a single lift. Thirty floors and no elevator. On the bright side, you could have really well-defined quads by the end of the year though.

9. Literally only Muggles live here. Do you want to always have to hide your magical talents? You’d have to actually use keys and shit instead of just Alohomora-ing your way in everywhere.

10. You’ll probably contract either smallpox or the bubonic plague by the end of the year. Why? No one knows; it’s just referred to as the Ruggles curse.

There you have it! See you at housing! Have fun registering!

XOXO, Tats

Can you believe what a shithole Ruggles is?? via Shutterstock

Feb

14

img February 14, 20155:12 pmimg 1 Comments

Ooh, hand contact... hawt

Ooh, hand contact… hawt

Just in time for the sultriest of holidays, Tats got you covered for all your V Day needs!! Our resident queen of relationships, commitment, and your standard date night, this week Tats brings you three fab flirty date nights for you and your hot nugget!

Dear Tats,

I just started seeing someone new, and I’m not sure exactly where we are. I want to show her how romantic and inspired I am, but I don’t want to come off as contrived or, even worse, more into it than her. What are some fun, flirty date ideas that scream “relatable, friendly, everyday college student?”

Are We A Thing?

 

Dear Are We A Thing?,

Fortunately, you’ve come to the master. I love commitment and epitomize ~chill~ so have I got some killer dates for you! Here are three super fun, failsafe, guaranteed sexytimez date ideas for The Best V Day Ever!

  1. Go caroling. Sure, maybe it’s not the season, and yeah, maybe “Carol of the Bells” will fall on flat ears (or whatever the expression is), but when has music ever failed to bring joy to the world around us? As TSwift wails so eloquently, “Dust off your highest hopes.” A good ole jam sesh seems calm, low-key, and definitely not emotionally invested. After all, who has ever not wanted to hear “Ding Dong Merrily On High” belted at them in the Starbucks line?
  1. Bring out the Ouija board. What’s that? Ouija’s for Halloween and Pretty Little Liars, you say? No, good sir! Ouija’s for all occasions. Might I remind you what precisely the purpose of Ouija is? To clarify the future! Also, to communicate with the dead, but that could be a fun date activity too! Anyway, what better way to figure out what’s going on with you and your sweet thang than with the spirits of the undead?
  1. Analyze the present political atmosphere and discuss at length how Marxism would improve the geosociopolitical positions of all your neighbors back in Bumbleshit, Minnesota. Alternately parse the theories of anarcho-primitivism until you find something to divide you. You were probably going to break up anyway – might as well hasten the demise with political strife. On the bright side, how will you know if it’s meant to be if Marx doesn’t smile upon it? It’s really the only option, isn’t it?

And remember, if all else fails, you can always just fall back on that age-old tradition: frolic in the snow meadows, ritual sacrifice by the midnight moon, brew dandelion and essence of fetal pig potions, and back in bed by 2! Have fun!

XOXO, Tats

Feb

7

img February 07, 20152:33 pmimg 0 Comments

Marvin the Mountain Goat

Marvin the Mountain Goat

And we’re back with your favorite weekly out-of-reality check! Destroy your life and look damn good doing it with our features editor Tatini Mal-Sarkar! This week, an atypical solution to a typical problem: the soph slump.

Hi Tats,

My life is just no good right now. I’m alright, but I’m not eliciting the same happiness and satisfaction that I remember in high school and earlier. I’m a sophomore now, and I’m having trouble connecting with people, enjoying myself, and feeling good. How can I change my life for the better? I don’t know if I need anything radical, but I know something needs to change.

Sophomore Slump v. The World

Dear Sophomore Slump,

My my, that is quite a pickle you’re in. It seems to my rather perceptive self that you’re in a bit of a slump – but it doesn’t have to be that way! Like Pete Wentz, make it the comeback of the year! How, you ask? Why, the answer is simple: OMG – Operation Mountain Goat.

Think of it this way – you’re lacking company, feeling a little lonely and unsatisfied maybe. Some might suggest rethinking your major, or maybe joining some new clubs, or learning to cook or knit or whatever. But fie, say I! Majors and clubs and hobbies are really just ways of redefining yourself and finding a new future, and that’s exactly the sort of radical change you’ve expressly said you’re not interested in! And what’s more, why the hell would you want to actually have a future? In fact, best-case scenario of OMG, we get you kicked out and you can have fun all day, every day! Glory be!

The answer to your problems here.

Jan

31

img January 31, 20155:08 pmimg 2 Comments

Body by Tat, advice by Kanye.

Body by JJ’s, advice by Kanye.

Want some really god-awful advice that will probably ruin your life? Never fear, Tat is here! Our trusty features editor is back with another installment on the many trials and tribulations of the average college student. Man, you guys have interesting problems!!

Dear Bwog,

Seeker of advice from “Tats” here. I appreciated the advice on rushing, and thought I would inquire with a dilemma of my own. I’m in an open relationship and need help creating rules or guidelines around the situation. I like that we’re open, but I don’t know how to avoid jealousy when others are invited in by my partner, or how to assuage my partner’s potential concerns when I am with someone else. Got any tips, guidance, or drugs of choice for me?

Thanks a million,

Hottie w/a Cyber Body

Dear Hottie w/a Cyber Body,

Hey, I am so glad my rush advice helped you out!! I’ve gotten really good feedback on all the outfits suggested, particularly prom night, so honestly I’m pretty unsurprised that you appreciated it. Nonetheless, just as Alice appreciated the Nobel, who am I to debase my fans? Columbia, I am here for you.

That said, I feel like you could definitely use some work on your moniker creativity. I’m thinking about running a workshop about this at some point — would you be interested? Like, I like what you’re trying to do, but something about hottie with a cyber body just rubs me the wrong way; are you only hot online? Or are you a smokin’ babe on all platforms? If the second, let’s OK Cupid connect. I feel we’ve got so much in common already.

On to your query: as the resident relationship expert here at Bwog, perhaps even Columbia, I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question. I don’t mean to brag, but as someone in pretty perpetual demand, I’m here to tell you there’s one more member of our highly sought-after posse. And that member is no other than homeboy Kanye. So, without further ado, I present to you, dear Hottie, the ten six commandments of open relationships, closed relationships, fake relationships, and imaginary relationships, as set forth by the belabored, belied, but above all beloved Yeezy.

Check out the six commandments here.

Jan

24

img January 24, 201511:33 amimg 11 Comments

A "candid," as the youths call it.

A “candid,” as the youths call it.

Need bad advice? Interested in seeing your life go up in flames and down the drain? Never fear — our trusty editor Tatini Mal-Sarkar is here to save you from yourself your worst nightmare. Notorious for poor life choices, who better to guide you through the trials and tribulations of the college years? This session, we bring you our handy-dandy guide to that timeless question that likely had even Aristotle scratching his head: what should I wear for rush?

Dear Tats,

Literally all I have ever wanted in this life is to be a sorority girl – or a srat, as they are colloquially known. Next week is rush recruitment, and I’m quivering in my boots at the prospect of impressing a room full of beautiful, polished young women. Such gleaming, styled locks of hair! So many statement accessories! So much coral! So tell me, dear Tats, o proprietor of savory fashion advice, what exactly should I wear for this most perilous of events?

Sincerely, What’s Wrong With Bodycon?

More, more, more!

Dec

14

img December 14, 20142:32 pmimg 2 Comments

Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Look, we know you’ve been listening to Work, Bitch on loop for the last week. Never fear: Bwog is here to diversify your considerable musical interests! To Demi and Jay, obvs. Here we present a finals playlist — one song to play on repeat for each hour of the day. You’re welcome.

Caveat: Bwog is not responsible for you bawling in the reading room. Proceed at your own risk.

8AM: Breakfast — Chiddy Bang

This is it! The day you change the world! Have some cereal or a Ferris omelet! Who cares if you have a day to learn a semester! This is how Einstein did it, probably!

9AM: I Will Never Let You Down — Rita Ora

Wow, there’s so much more in Principles of Econ/Orgo/History of Modern Middle East than you originally thought. At least Rita will always be there.

10AM: The Freeworld — The Uglysuit

Wow, sleepy. Most people aren’t even up yet; definitely okay to close eyes for a minute or two. Here, a nice, long, seven-minute song.

11AM: Come Walk With Me — MIA

What! Entire hour gone! Where is the coffee? Let’s MOVE!! Let’s GET GOING!!

12PM: 3,6,9 — Cat Power

The caffeine has coursed through your veins. You are a goddess.

1PM: Afternoon Delight — Starland Vocal Band

Lunch break/straight hour of watching Arrested Development on mute in Butler. Mood music.

Check out some more hits after the jump!

Nov

6

img November 06, 20141:55 pmimg 0 Comments

Is that a beaker or a pint? EITHER

Is that a beaker or a pint? EITHER

Last year, you saw Raising the Bar for the first time. For the first time at a bar, you actually learned something you can remember the next day write home about. Fifty lectures were given at fifty bars in one night. Yesterday was the second rendition. We interviewed one of the organizers, Yuli Luvish, to learn more about this nexus of our two favorite things—drinking and learning.

Bwog: What inspired the event? Why did you guys create it for the first time last year? What do you think is interesting/new/exciting about the model? 

YL: Raising The Bar is a student initiative. We are all students privileged enough to attend some of the finest schools in NYC and the world, and we thought that others should be entitled to listen to a personal lecture by notable scholars. We wanted to bring quality content to people in person. Hosting it in bars makes it a less intimidating setting for a lecture and creates unexpected environments for discussion.

We are still planning on continuing with the original format. However, we feel that when supplying anything to the public, especially education, it should be exciting and innovative. For our ‘Knowledge Meets Beer’ theme, we collaborated with Time, Inc., and we wanted to bring not only talks but important discussions on pressing topics. The debates establish both sides of every issue, with professors giving an academic point of view, while industry leaders emphasize the existing market state and share their experience.

Bwog: Why do you think people responded so well last year? 

YL: We believe that people responded well last year because people, especially in a city like NYC, want to learn. Raising The Bar’s events suits fast paced New Yorkers looking to enrich themselves in a casual manner. In addition, it was an impressive production—with 50 talks in 50 different bars in one night—as well as a fascinating new concept.

Bwog: What’s it like orchestrating it this year after having already experienced all the craziness last year? What did you learn from having done it last year? 

YL: Every production has its own kind of craziness. We  have definitely learned a lot from last year’s, as a team and as a company. However, it’s always hectic and exciting and all in all fun!

Bwog: What’s different about this year from last? 

YL: This year we are a smaller team, however we still have the rest of the team helping out and making it easier. Also, on top of this NYC event happening tomorrow we have additional events we are currently working on in SF, Sydney, HK and more coming up.

Bwog: How do you expect turnout to differ from last year? 

YL: For our April event, we had over 6,000 people in 50 venues. This event is taking place in 10 venues, so it will be fewer people overall. But over 50% of the tickets were sold out in the first few hours, and we are currently sold out on all our panels, so the expectations are accordingly.

Clever and inspired logo via Twitter

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