Wouldn’t these midterms be bearable if the weather were at least half-way pleasant? Maybe. And where is the weather pleasant? South America. And what South American nation does Columbia have a kinship with? Colombia. That’s why we should move there. And that’s exactly what Anand Venkatesan pondered in this December 2002 Blue and White article:

If Columbia Moved to Colombia

As Columbia searches for new spaces to expand its physical plant, The Blue and White urges the Administration to consider a South American satellite campus, where the Stanford-like climate and atmosphere will lure boho bums to attend CC in the sun. In anticipation of what student life would be like, we have compiled some likely scenarios for the Administration to study. Hope this helps, President Bollinger.

Student 1: Hello, can you tell me where Lerner Hall is?
Student 2: I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. You see, in Colombia, we speak Spanish, not English.
Student 1: Oh, I see. My apologies.
Student 2: Not at all.

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Student: Hi, I’d like to pay my tuition for the semester.
Administrator: That will be 9,283,202,202 pesos, por favor.

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Student 1: Do you want to get a drink at Nacho Mama’s?
Student 2: What are these nachos you speak of?
Student 1: They are a delicacy found in 7-11 stores in America.
Student 2: Oh. What a stupid name for a bar.
Student 1: Si, senor.

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First Passerby: Hola.
Second Passerby: Hola.

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Student 1: Where can a fellow get a good cup of coffee around here?
Student 2: There are three Starbucks within walking distance.