May

8

Senior Wisdom: Rob

Written by

Very soon, members of the class of 2006 will fade into the world of i banking and consulting… but before they do, they need to impart their boundless wisdom to the masses. So, the Bwog has surveyed the stars of the senior class to get their thoughts on life, truth, and oral sex. This is the first in the series. Read the rest here.

Rob, CC ’06

Claim to fame: University Senator, man about town

Preferred swim test stroke?

Doggie paddle, so you can see the other swimmers and make fun of them for doing the doggie paddle.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1. Wake up with four digits on the clock (ie. between 10:00 am and 12:59 p.m.). Any earlier and you’re cranky and bitter, any later and you’ve missed the day.

2. Don’t go downtown unless you like sweaty European guys wearing all black rubbing up against you while you try to order a 15 dollar drink.

3. A lot of kids at Columbia are huge dorks. A lot are huge wannabes. Find the cool ones and never let go of them.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

No need. I’m your average self-righteous Columbia student who feels that the world was created so he’d have a place to chill.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

MEALAC. Professors, stop making fun of Jewish kids. Conservative kids who hate academic freedom, stop complaining just because a professor disagrees with you. Are we done? Good.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

Security had broken up our formal at SigEp and my friend and I were still standing on the stoop. One security officer told us we had to get off the stoop. We said, we will if you give us a ride to the bar. He said OK. So my friend, me, and our dates got in the cruiser and got dropped off right outside of 1020. It was good. That and doing it in the stacks, which was also good.

Which Prof do you think would be the best kisser?

Brinkley. I just think he’d be the quiet sensitive type who would whisper sweet nothings about Depression-Era America into your ear while you were, you know, making out.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

Columbia College, maybe 15 percent, all by choice. SEAS, probably 60 percent, none by choice.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Giving or receiving? And what kind of cheese? Regardless, probably cheese. Lactose intolerant guys still seem pretty happy. Guys not getting any head don’t.

Days on campus memory?

You know what they say about Days on Campus. If you can remember it, you weren’t really there. I remember nothing.

Regrets?

I couldn’t figure out a way to stay for a sixth year. That and I never joined The Blue and White.

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24 Comments

  1. i banking and consulting?  

    not all of us are sellouts!

  2. yeah..some of us  

    are going to intern at HRW or vanity fair or act if off broadway plays where we'll play the role of transvestite redstaters who use their superpowers to stop global warming. By the way, how big of a pompous tool is this meyerhoff fellow. good riddance

  3. unrelated, but...  

    what will happen to the bwog over the summer?

  4. Rob  

    is by no means a close friend of mine. But he is one of the most intelligent and thoughtful people I have ever met. Behind a veneer of goofy wit, he is scary smart, exceptionally empathetic, and a joy to be around. Characterizing him as a "pompous tool" betrays self-loathing envy.

  5. he certainly is  

    scary smart (and nuanced): MEALAC. Professors, stop making fun of Jewish kids. Conservative kids who hate academic freedom, stop complaining just because a professor disagrees with you. Are we done? Good.



    exceptionally empathetic: Columbia College, maybe 15 percent, all by choice. SEAS, probably 60 percent, none by choice.



    joy to be around/thoughtful: 2. Don't go downtown unless you like sweaty European guys wearing all black rubbing up against you while you try to order a 15 dollar drink.

    3. A lot of kids at Columbia are huge dorks. A lot are huge wannabies. Find the cool ones and never let go of them.



    ever think that somebody who admits to being a self righteous columbia student is a tool and isn't just inspiring jealousy?

  6. heartbreaker

    rob looks like tom petty.

  7. Rob is my hero  

    I will always admire him!

  8. I like rob  

    but these responses, even if they're meant to be cheeky, are a bit jarring, I agree

  9. meyerhoff lover  

    rob is actually a great guy. it really doesn't come off in that interview, but he's a senior and he probably could care less

  10. Rob Meyerhoff  

    It's all a joke. I didn't expect people to take this article so seriously. So I apologize if I offended anyone. That was not my intention.

    Love,

    Rob

  11. dying is kinda extreme  

    Please Rob, don't apologize, you are hilarious (in an obvious way to anyone with even the slightest sense of humor) and should never change! You lighten my life!

  12. i liked your comments too  

    yeah, no need to apologize, people are jealous. you are so right about all that, well except for the going downtown bit which doesn't have to include sweaty men

  13. horatio  

    yeah, i think that was funny too, those people complaining must be some self righteous columbia kids who are totally oblivious to sarcasm. they're also probably in that SEAS 60%.

  14. Andrew  

    Meyerhoff is one of Columbia's finest. He also had a sweet birthday party.

  15. Eh...  

    i suspected that you were just joking aroudn rob..i don't know you..but i'm sure you're a nice fella and a little bit of humor should always be welcomed

  16. are you kidding me?  

    Rob is the man. This interview is easily one of the most witty and entertaining pieces i've ever read on the bwog. who ever is taking this seriously needs to get a life and leave your engineering experiment at mudd.

  17. so cool!  

    It's so hard to find a rich, white, self-proclaimed, frat-boy campus celebrity!



    After you're done feeling up my friend at the heights, I want your autograph!

  18. meyerhoff is the man  

    i love you, rob meyerhoff. this kid is seriously one of the wittiest, smartest, nicest guys around and will certainly be missed next year (by those who have a sense of humor and can appreciate a little something known as "sarcasm", that is...)

  19. are you kidding me 2  

    rob myerhoff is such a tool. i've never seen someone so full of himself and insecure. his actions tonight were the definition of tool bag.

    • this is such bullshit

      ...what? I can't believe this kid's personality is even being debated. it's a freaking interview article. get over it. and I'm sorry, I need a little clarification, what exactly is the definition of tool bag again? entertaining bwog readers with their wit and humor? yeah, and your repsonse was really articulate and enlightening. anyone who takes offense to this article seriously needs to get a hobby and chill the fuck out

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