Very soon, members of the class of 2006 will fade into the world of i banking and consulting… but before they do, they need to impart their boundless wisdom to the masses. So, the Bwog has surveyed the stars of the senior class to get their thoughts on life, truth, and oral sex. This is the first in the series. Read the rest here.
Rob, CC ’06
Claim to fame: University Senator, man about town
Preferred swim test stroke?
Doggie paddle, so you can see the other swimmers and make fun of them for doing the doggie paddle.
What are three things you learned at Columbia?
1. Wake up with four digits on the clock (ie. between 10:00 am and 12:59 p.m.). Any earlier and you’re cranky and bitter, any later and you’ve missed the day.
2. Don’t go downtown unless you like sweaty European guys wearing all black rubbing up against you while you try to order a 15 dollar drink.
3. A lot of kids at Columbia are huge dorks. A lot are huge wannabes. Find the cool ones and never let go of them.
Justify your existence in 30 words or less.
No need. I’m your average self-righteous Columbia student who feels that the world was created so he’d have a place to chill.
What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?
MEALAC. Professors, stop making fun of Jewish kids. Conservative kids who hate academic freedom, stop complaining just because a professor disagrees with you. Are we done? Good.
What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?
Security had broken up our formal at SigEp and my friend and I were still standing on the stoop. One security officer told us we had to get off the stoop. We said, we will if you give us a ride to the bar. He said OK. So my friend, me, and our dates got in the cruiser and got dropped off right outside of 1020. It was good. That and doing it in the stacks, which was also good.
Which Prof do you think would be the best kisser?
Brinkley. I just think he’d be the quiet sensitive type who would whisper sweet nothings about Depression-Era America into your ear while you were, you know, making out.
What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?
Columbia College, maybe 15 percent, all by choice. SEAS, probably 60 percent, none by choice.
Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?
Giving or receiving? And what kind of cheese? Regardless, probably cheese. Lactose intolerant guys still seem pretty happy. Guys not getting any head don’t.
Days on campus memory?
You know what they say about Days on Campus. If you can remember it, you weren’t really there. I remember nothing.
I couldn’t figure out a way to stay for a sixth year. That and I never joined The Blue and White.