2012’s Facebook half-life began with Simon H.’s creation of “Columbia – Class of 2012.” Early decision applicants were notified online of their acceptance at 5pm, and by 7pm, the group’s ranks had reached 50. Mere days later, the Facebook group is brimming with 276 members—including one confused Brown 2012 pre-frosh who is “not sure if we are rivals or not.” Proud papa Simon H. has even provided a chronological history of the group’s membership:

    Dec 11. 6 members

    Dec 12. 84 members

    Dec 13. 170 members

    Dec 14. 216 members

    Dec 16. 271 members

Hot topics like senioritis (“B’s are the new A’s,” insists Kyle M.) and the swim test—Harrison S. prefers doggie paddle and prefers that you know it—fill
the group’s Wall. Discussions about dorms and drinking are good places to spot the group’s early alpha males and females. Natassia M. states that “Carman sounds like a plan” and is echoed with rallying cries of agreement and disbelief: “Carman sucks, theres throwup and shit everywhere, all the girls and ugly and the ra’s are the biggest assholes everywher,” maintained Dhruv V., who himself is actually CC ’11. Dhruv, a wizened elder and Furnald devotee is a major presence amongst 2012’s blossoming (and depressing) cyber-society.

Marginal topics like “dorms” and “academics” aside, one group of 12s wants to know: “Who says Ivy Leaguers don’t party hard?!?!?” Probably the same people who say Ivy Leaguers can punctuate!!11!eleventyone!1

The “The Columbia University Class of 2012 is Ready to Party” has a predictable agenda. “We should all meet up sometime before august… and party :) “ suggests Carolyn M.  

But no one could accuse the hard-partying 12s of not being efficient: To wit, they have an email address of the most official capacity: readytoparty@2012.com. You know, to fake arrange the fake partying electronically.

UPDATE 12/17: The end… it’s near!

– JNW