…for which not even the gods could cram.

Hark, freshpeople! Way back when, a few Bwoggers converted several thousands of pages of reading into limericks—the perfect size for you to memorize in between sips of Red Bull and Pepsi Max. Read on for anapests aplenty!

Homer, The Iliad
Achilles, the raging Achaean,
Agamemnon’s war plans was derailin’.
For the city of Troy,
And for Helen, a ploy
With a horse was the Greek soldiers’ way in.

[Editor’s Note: Actually, the Trojan Horse doesn’t appear in detail until The Aeneid next semester, but The Odyssey briefly mentions the Greek’s crafty gift.]

Homer, The Odyssey
After Troy, brave Odysseus wandered,
Adventured and tarried and pondered,
Saw Calypso and Cyclops
‘Pon Ionian outcrops,
Thence home ere Pen’s honor was squandered!

Herodotus, The Histories
Father of history, Herodotus
Wrote of wars, and lies and lust:
“Gyges ruled,
Scythians were cruel,
But remembering human achievement’s a must.”

Euripides, Medea
Jason was not a good guy.
To Medea he had said goodbye.
So you know what she did?
She killed all her kids
And then she flew off in the sky.

Aristophanes, Lysistrata
Of war all Greek women had tired,
So together they met and conspired.
They knew what men wanted,
So their husbands they taunted:
“For sex, complete peace is required.”

Plato, Symposium
Some hung-over Greeks had doubt
Over what love was all about
Was virtue correct?
Or trading wisdom for sex?
But “Forms!” was Socrates’ cop-out.

Old Testament (Two verses for the price of one!)
When God said “Let there be light,”
He showcased all of his might.
He plagued Pharaoh with flies,
Made the Red Sea dry
And then gave Job quite a fright

Job and job are capitonymic words
Like Polish and polish, or Herb and herb
And though this doesn’t have much to do
With the story of that unfortunate Jew
It does make the story a little absurd.

[Editor’s Note: Job wasn’t Jewish, but whatevs]

New Testament

So God was feeling frisky,
decided to be a bit risky.
Got in bed with Mary,
of course he did not tarry!
You know the rest of the story.