40 Comments
First day of school
New semesters bring new absurdity. On the first day of class, those crazy geniuses who walk among us young folk spice up the classroom with their funny, strange and wise words. Share your professors’ most outrageous openers in the comments. ‘Tis a tradition! And keep sending the semester’s silliest to tips@bwog.com.
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40 Comments
@Anonymous Francesco Brindisi – The Political Economy of urban Economic Development
Now for next week you’ll need to read this paper. It’s a very nice paper. It’s got a ton of algebra. Just forget the algebra and look at the pictures.
@Akbar Zaidi “I’m told that the difference between an undergraduate course and a graduate course is that in an undergraduate course I do all the work and you do none of the reading.”
@Peter Awn - Islam “If you’re going to do something so STUPID, so morally reprehensible… wear a condom”.
@Zwarich Boobs are an inherent part of this course.
@What course was this?! :D
@Jonathan Vogel, Intermediate Micro Vogel comments on how he writes difficult tests, and a student asks for the median scores on the final: “So last semester I told my class. And then I found out about culpa.info…What’s written there is probably wrong.”
@Cannon Comp Sci 1004 (Java) I’m going to lie to you. I’m a teacher, that’s what I’m paid to do. I’m not going to deceive you, I’m going to lie.
@Tristan Lambert, Orgo II “Your brain is using organic molecules to learn organic chemistry. Did I just blow your mind?”
“In my lab, I would yell at my students for drawing [the structure] like that, and the reason is because I’m a jerk.”
@Sunil Gulati, Principles of Econ “This guy is David Beckham, one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen.”
@Michael Como, Buddhism: East Asian [Someone responded “yoda-like” to the question, what is Buddhism?]
Yoda-like? I’ve never heard that one. [in yoda voice] Interesting, you are.
@Marcellus Andrews Economics is boring, and I’m not very good to look at, so I won’t keep you here very long
@Lit Hum Samuel Spinner, LH Instructor after a student is ambivalent about casting a vote for her preference for/dislike of the Aeneid: \This is America. We only accept extreme opinions. If you’re a moderate, you can go to Canada.\
@CC10 Michael Heller, Property (Law School: “I emailed you all the class info sheet. I guess that’s outdated now, I should have IMed it to you. But that’s outdated too, so what should I do? Facebook it to you I guess. What’s that? (listens to a student suggestion) MySpace? No, that’s not cool.”
@Michael Como I’ve noticed that Columbia students have an amazing ability to make things more complicated than necessary.
@Frye Today your minds want to save the world, after you graduate you’ll probably forget that and you’ll be crunching numbers on Wall Street and figuring out how a .5% gain equates to your new summer house in the Hamptons.
@Dr. J “Howdy, howdy. Happy new year. Are you ready to rock and roll, ladies?”
…
“Are you sufficiently impressed with my jacket? Good. I’m taking it off.”
…
“Your calculator is a tool, your textbook is a tool, your instructor is a…resource.”
@Anonymous i LOVE me some Dr. J. Lucky girls who get him first thing in the morning!
@Gareth Williams I don’t have a particular quotation from this god among men, but he spent a good chunk of class explaining how a reference to frogs disturbing Horace’s sleep ended up altering the long-assumed chronology of Satires 1.5 in the 20th century.
@Marcellus Blount, AfricanAmerican Lit II “I don’t like the Columbia Bookstore. But I know some of you do because you can…what’s that word…you can “flex” there. I don’t know what that means. But I thought I’d say it anyway.”
@Forget that, Refering to the fact that there was an upper chalk board that was there just for look in the NW Corner Building: \Do you know how much this building costs\. Or even better, commenting on the lack of chalk, board, clock and easer. I’m just going to termit this lecture into your brain\ My fav prof so far, he handled that epicly and professionally, I would have had a nervous break down during class if that happened to me while teaching.
@Forget that, Replying to Spiegelman, E2101
@MDM (In reference to what we should to to solve complicated differential equations)
“When you don’t know what to do, be wise and linearize.”
— Allan Blaer, Mathematical Methods of Physics
“I know this is baby example, but we are going to be babies in this class.”
— Ovidiu Munteanu
@Samuel Roberts When asking the (history major’s senior thesis prep course, taken spring of junior year) class why we want to write a thesis:
“[So you] all want to be professors? Don’t do it, kids”.
@cc'11 sam roberts FTW!
@D. Mowshowitz “The makeup session will be optional but to try and get more of you guys to go to an optional class, I’m going to be discussing the sexiest topic I can think of: cancer.”
@Ovidiu Savin, Calc III “If you guys don’t want to come to class because it’s too boring that’s okay, just drop off the homework upstairs”
@Anonymous Professor John Collins of the Philosophy department on why he doesn’t use CourseWorks:
“I’m a bit of a maverick. Well, not like Sarah Palin. I’m an unarmed maverick.”
@Anonymous A little vodka makes coffee and class better.
@Spiegelman, E2101 In the middle of lecture, his cell phone rings.
“Hi sweetie, I’m teaching”
@Anonymous SPIEGELMAN IS WONDERFUL. The end.
@Brandon “prepare to have no social life.”
@Anonymous did anyone else just straight up skip all of their first day of classes? weather sucked, I wanted to sleep in, I only had one anyway… Those arguments sounded convincing when I was laying in bed at least..
@Truant Mhmm, its all I do.
@MUSIC HUM Went to all of my classes of the day (and the day started at goddamn 9:10) but 6:00 came around and I just couldn’t bring myself to go to my first music hum.
This thing is the bane of my existence (I admit it; life’s pretty good).
It’s my gym-class-for-the-fat-kid. Oral presentation for a stutterer. Archeology seminar for a creationist. I’ve been adding/dropping this class every other semester for the past 3 years. if there is one class here I cannot bring myself to give the tiniest, non-fiber dieted poop about, it’s that one.
@Anonymous Yeah, slept through my first class of the semester.
@HEY! ME TOO!!
@?????? “These are 5 reasons not to take this class”
@LAX? Logic of collective choice?
@Anonymous no, he has ten reasons. all arrogant and douchebagly
@shoot my first-day-of-school clogs are getting ruined in this weather!