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Grammar Police, Assemble! (Updated With Response)

As Bwog knows all too well, there’s nothing a Columbia student hates more than bad grammar. This Bwogger figures a kitten must die with every its vs. it’s error (I mean, why else would these lil’ mistakes always get everyone’s panties in a twist?). In response to the Philolexian Society’s recent grammatical gaffe, one Columbian thought the group might want to change its tagline to this: “Philo: Taking the Literary out of Literary Society since 1802.” It’s okay Philo, we still think you’re swell, even if grammar isn’t always your strong point. Solidarity!

George W. Bush: Livin’ With Shame Since 2001

UPDATE: Bwog received the following e-mail this evening:

subject: Philolexian Response: ComparativeGate.

Dear Bwog,

Since your estimable news organization has recently exposed that a phlier (read: “flyer”) printed under our name contains a marked grammatical error, the Philolexian Society is committed to launching the most serious of internal investigations, most rigorous of soul searchings, and a frisking to put the TSA to shame. We can assure you that we are taking this matter as seriously as is humanly possible: we consider words our children, and to find that we have so misused them we feel can only be compared to a tragic anagnorisis—say, of Seneca’s Thyestes. We have established a Truth and Reconciliation Commission; they have their work cut out for them, as we’ve never been much for reconciling ourselves to the truth. We have also assembled crack teams of experts on the writings of the Marquis de Sade to suggest penalties toeing that fine line between Eighth Amendment violations and a night at a kink club. You might also have expected that the author of this letter—responsible for keeping the Society literary and, on some occasion, literate—to have taken the metaphorical and literal axe for this gaffe on top of whatever sentencing we might hand out to those actually responsible for this gross mishap—but that the Society refused to pass its most recent proposed resolution, “Resolved: It is better to die with dignity than to live in shame.” (Lucky breaks: take them when you can.) We assure Columbians, above all, not to panic: we will soon be back to producing syntactically impeccable, stylistically unparalleled, and thoroughly absurd strings of syntagms for your aural pleasure.

Yours most humbly,

Gavin McGown

Literary Czar, the Philolexian Society of Columbia University.

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38 Comments

  • Memories says:

    @Memories God I had forgotten what an asshole he was. Thanks for reminding my why I hate all conservatives Bwog!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous and thanks for reminding us why we hate you :)

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Philo: a drinking society with a literary problem.

    1. ... says:

      @... cool story bro

      1. Tsk, tsk says:

        @Tsk, tsk No, I’m sorry, but that was awesome.

        1. anonymoose says:

          @anonymoose it would be considerably more awesome if it were true. Philo is a lot less edgy and alternative than they think they are

          1. invisible_hand says:

            @invisible_hand you have clearly not spent enough time around auld philolexia. the laws of nature are commonly suspended in weekly meetings. or at least it feels like it.

          2. cc says:

            @cc lol philo has never pretended to be edgy and alternative. we mostly pretend to be drunk until we’re actually drunk.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous And KCST is a drinking troupe with a Shakespeare problem. Every group says this.

  • 2001? says:

    @2001? nahhhh….. since 1946…..

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It’s simple:

    1. Die with honor, in a superior fashion.
    2. Come back as a zombie. Shame, shame.

    THEN

  • avril incandenza says:

    @avril incandenza MGM would expect better grammar from philo

  • Wow. says:

    @Wow. I’m a liberal, but does anybody else not realize how offensive this poster is? What is it had Obama’s face in there, or Clinton or FDR?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Learn to appreciate humor.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous They weren’t supposed to post this… This poster was nixed and was not supposed to be seen by the public for the grammatical error.

    So really, it’s not a mistake of grammar.

    IT’S INSUBORDINATION!!!!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous yeah, people. corrected posters were sent out. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME.

  • crosshairs says:

    @crosshairs sarah palin is clearly responsible for the murders of jared lee loughner and this poster is proof

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous DAMMIT JANET

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous maybe it was part of the joke…?

  • Nicki Minaj says:

    @Nicki Minaj word

  • Anon, a mouse. says:

    @Anon, a mouse. Honestly, they could have just gone with it and said it was meant to be ironic. Considering who’s featured in the photo, I’d have believed it. (Also, the term “ironic” could add to their desired “edgy” self-image, which, in reality, is not-so-edgy, but rather just plain eyebrow-raisingly odd.)

    1. Lit Czar says:

      @Lit Czar Eyebrow-raisingly odd? You’ve caught us out, Officer Krupke.

      1. Sergeant at Arms (f.) says:

        @Sergeant at Arms (f.) Gavin, you are actually one of my favorite people.

      2. Nomenclaturist General says:

        @Nomenclaturist General In’t that the truth.

  • Chancellor of the Exchequer says:

    @Chancellor of the Exchequer Yes, we could have claimed irony, but the hipsters were voted down by the anti-hipster crowd and those who believe we live in a post-ironic world.

  • EFG says:

    @EFG yo this was pretty funny, i especially enjoyed philo’s response letter. many good references. tee hee.

  • the says:

    @the philos need either
    1. friends
    2. lives
    3. to get laid.

    except maybe this one guy in cc11 who i know who’s the sweetest guy. this doesnt mean you, B!

    1. whooops says:

      @whooops no ‘either’

    2. cc says:

      @cc truism. as evidence, see: me commenting on bwog posts at quarter to 3 am.

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Well, they are “just hard up,” after all…

  • cc says:

    @cc i love you, gavin mcgown. never leave me.

  • BHW says:

    @BHW Personally, I would enjoy dying with honor, then living with shame. Shameful afterlife > no afterlife.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous On a related note, come to Beat Night, Philo’s annual celebration of its former Moderator, Allen Ginsberg: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=191965384154977

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous On a related note, come to Beat Night, Philo’s annual celebration of its former Moderator, Allen Ginsburg.

    It is held at 8:30 at the James Room (4th floor Barnard Hall), followed by a midnight reading of Howl by Alma Mater.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Fuck yeah, Gavin McGown

    1. cc says:

      @cc someone register that tumblr now

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous 1. I too thought the sentence implied that “it is better to die in honor and subsequently live in shame.” (guess not)

    2. If not for Gavin McGown I never would have gone to frontiers of science.

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