May

17

Senior Wisdom: Jonathan Jager

Written by

Name, school: Jonathan Jager, GS/JTS

Claim to fame: You may remember me from such places as the Marching Band (former Drum Major and Head Bananager) and various campus theatre events (CMTS, KCST, CUP, CUPAL, and the Theatre Department). I was also in an episode of BwogWeather.

Where are you going? Uptown to live, downtown to work. I’ll be moving to Washington Heights and working as an assistant at Big Heart Theatrical. Also looking for freelance composing/arranging/conducting gigs. Let me know if you find any.

Three things you learned at Columbia

(all courtesy of old class notes)

1. About half of English literature is just references to what’s in the Core.

2. The best professors are the funniest professors.

3. Taking notes about historical events in dialogue is much more entertaining.

“Back in my day…” We had real protests. Where are all the hunger strikers/Ahmadinejad-related fiascoes/liberals making the Catholic League angry?

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I turned a vuvuzela into a melodic instrument. I can also tap dance horribly, but shamelessly. I think this redeems me as a human being.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? The War on Fun is a result of the Columbia bureaucracy realizing they have bureaucratic powers. I dealt with this every week during football season. But if you are nice to the right people, you can get pretty much anything you want at this school. As for stories, during the Hunger Strike, I was part of a group that “counter-struck” by standing on the Sundial eating and reading The Joy of Cooking aloud. That’s not really part of the War on Fun, but this seemed like a good place to share that story. Also, if we tried it today, Public Safety would probably stop us.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I gave up cheese 7 years ago when I found out I was lactose intolerant, so this is a non-issue. But if giving up oral sex meant I could digest dairy again, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Advice for the class of 2015: Spend a summer (or 3) in New York. You can either do all the readings and never go to class, or always go to class and never do the readings, but only one of those options frees up your evenings. Take advantage of the free/cheap cultural offers you can get as a student like you roofied them. And this sounds trite, but seriously, go to a sporting event, especially a football game. What else are you really doing on a Saturday afternoon anyway? Student athletes are people too, and they appreciate a cheering crowd. Plus, I like to think the Marching Band is entertaining.

Any regrets? Not taking Lit Hum when I had the chance. Then I would have gotten all those Core references.

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23 Comments

  1. wut.

    this guy is in GS? he doesn't look 40....

  2. gtbtb

    jager is awesome

  3. Anonymous

    That whole note-taking in dialogue thing... it's really true.

  4. 2012  

    I want to fuck that guy.

  5. Anonymous

    "Take advantage of the free/cheap cultural offers you can get as a student like you roofied them"
    have we gotten to the point where forcible drugging and sexual assault are not taken seriously and are therefore supposed to be funny oH WAIT

    • I know

      Was just about to say the same thing. Very, very tasteless joke to make.

      • Dude...

        Chill the fuck out, he doesn't even have enough body mass to physically overpower someone.

        • OP

          what, so only people with high bmi's can make offensive comments? PLEASE. the issue here is not his body, but his words. i didn't read his comment and then fear that he would assault me, i read it and was disgusted that someone would make light of a violent crime. i acknowledge that this senior may indeed be AWESOME or THE MAN but that doesn't make his words any less offensive.
          rape is not funny. jokes about rape are not funny. rape hurts people and affects way more people on this campus than you may care to realize. RAPE is a violent and traumatic crime. CULTURAL OFFERS are fun and legal. THE TWO ARE NOT COMPARABLE.
          you are in no position to tell those offended by this thoughtless comment to "chill the fuck out." it is not up to you to determine what i or others ought to be offended by. fall back, man.

        • But Dude

          Rapists don't need to physically overpower them. Just slip the rufie in and that's all. So him making the joke - regardless of whether or not he is able to overpower someone - is still extremely tasteless.

          It'd still be tasteless even if it were a woman saying this, or a very defenseless person in general.

  6. Jager -  

    - is the man. just saying.

  7. proud  

    to follow in your footsteps. g(tb)^2.

  8. Chevrutah

    Jager, I love you. You are the best. And I appreciate your sense of, sometimes tactless, humor. How else would you have been able to write all of those orgo night jokes?! You know who this is from, and that it is 3:35AM, and I am shamelessly bwog posting. ONLY for you, amigo, only for you. Francis, te amo.

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