Sep

6

Top of Their Class: Facebook Heroes of 2015

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The advent of social networking brought radical new social dynamics to freshpeople interaction in the form of class-wide facebook groups. The Blue & White has discussed the discarded walls of years past, and explored the legend of everyman Aaron Phillips. This summer, delayed housing assignments precipitated an unprecedented maelstrom of activity on the 2015 page, which also showcased never-before-seen coordination amongst classmates, who figured out exactly who was in whose Lit Hum section, on whose floor, and what concerts they would attend together come fall.

A few voices rose above the fray—you remember those kids who were all over the Facebook page. Bwog’s freshperson of the people Bijan Samerah is meeting the people behind the profiles.

Name: Eric Donahue

Famous for: Posting endless tirades against the school’s financial aid department

Significant Posts:

“The front-page Wal-Mart ads about ‘be a cooooool regular college student with your waffle-iron-cofee-maker and your swanky postmodern plastic furniture and your Blu-Ray player and suave laptop for taking notes in the quad while everyone plays scooter-frisbee behind you in front of quaint brick buildings’ are just illusions for the wide majority of actual American families” – August 11 at 1:55 a.m.

“RETURN MY FUCKING PHONECALL” – August 1st at 1:53 p.m.

“Anyone else looking to start some SERIOUS NERF COMBAT this fall?!” – May 30th at 10:21 p.m.

Bijan sat down with Eric to discuss his life off the Facebook page:

Were your problems with financial aid sorted out?

“By posting on the group, I actually got my admissions officer involved. It actually got me farther in the appeals process than I would have gotten otherwise. I think it all came back to help me in the end.”

How does being a Facebook celebrity make you feel?

“It makes me feel like a million bucks because I could be pretty much eating a sandwich off of the ground and somebody would be like, “Oh my God! It’s Eric Donahue.”

What would you do with a Sunday off?

“Here, I would meet up with people on Low steps, talking about whatever weird conversations come up on Low steps (which can range from masturbation to four dimensional hyper cubes), and then top it off with some zombie versus humans.”

If zombies were to invade Columbia, what would be your escape plan?

“Go to the roof of Pupin and bring just enough people that we could cannibalize each other, but not so many that I would be cannibalized.”

Give us a brief rundown of your Nerf  gun collection.

“I have a Vulcan, a Stampede, a Maverick, and mini blasters.  I molded together different belts for the Vulcan, so I can load like fifty at a time. Bring it on.”

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18 Comments

  1. I feel like there's a joke to be made here  

    Somewhere... Bwog commenters, gimme a hand?

  2. Yikes  

    See above.

    -CC '12

  3. I FOUND THE JOKE  

    It's Pupin.

  4. nerf guns?  

    fun yes. but "serious"? c'mon.

    don't be a wimp. paintball or airsoft - no other options.

  5. Alexander Vinogradov

    ERIC DONOHUE: LIAR!

    The 4dimensional "hypercube" is a devil-queer lie.

    YOUR NONSENSE JEHOVAH CANNOT GRASP THE FOUR DAY HARMONIC TIMECUBE

    This is why you spread FALSE DECOY CUBES with FAKE 4-dimensions. Sure, 4 is one, keep up the GREAT LIE. Can't you see you've been had? Reject deadly oneness or die from one-death.

  6. well  

    you, sir, have given me a massive headache.

  7. Anonymous

    Eric's posts were embarrassing. He tried too hard.

  8. Anonymous  

    Has he read the "lord of the flies"?

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