Jan

19

Opening Remarks

Written by

Just as you realize that watching all those Breaking Bad episodes reading all your chemistry textbooks during break still doesn’t shake that feeling that you’re not quite so ready for another semester, your professors made another round of funny comments to get you back into the swing of things.

Couch Potato i.e. I know what you did last summer

Professor Richard Bulliet, History of America in the Muslim World 

“Hitler’s been the gold standard of evilness.”

Eric Blanchard, Gender and International Relations

On why weekend e-mail responses tend not to be so prompt: “Because sometimes we need to go to Tijuana, too.”

Brad Garton, Music Hum

“As you can tell, we’re going to spend a lot of time on avant garde stuff and contemporary music. Why? Because I have tenure! Muahahaha.”

Erik Gray, Literary Texts & Critical Methods

“Have you ever noticed how people pretend to eat babies?”

Norma Graham, Statistics for Behavioral Scientists

”We used to have a heavy contingent from Barnard. They must have learned—they have learned how to teach statistics.”

Gil Anidjar, Comparative Literature

“1. I wouldn’t necessarily say that the ‘I’ is born again. We will read the Bible so those of you who want to be born again can be.

2. There is no syllabus. If you are a Comparative Literature major, you have to be here, which means there is no shopping involved. And because there is no shopping involved, there is no reason I have to sell this to you.

3. Grades being what they are, you will be judged on your participation, eagerness and ability to pretend that this is the best class you’ve ever taken.”

Francesco de Angelis, Roman Art

“If you were expecting someone with a British accent, you will be disappointed.  If you were expecting someone with more hair–or hair at all–you will be disappointed.”

Alexander Pasik, Artificial Intelligence

“Maybe we shouldn’t do AI. Maybe we should do, like, ‘Good Movies.'”

Brian Greene, Quantum Mechanics II

First words: “Any questions?”

Anonymous History Seminar

Professor lowers voice to a whisper, and pleads with the class not to share this with anyone, but, “the facts aren’t so important in this class!”

Peter Awn, Islam

“When I attended my first class on Buddhism, my venerable Japanese professor said to the class, ‘Oh, you Christians, you think that Buddha is like your Jesus. What you forget is that Buddha shat himself to death, the ultimate transcendence of the earthly realm.'”

Robert LaFosse, Ballet VI

“I get my spirituality from Facebook.”

Paul Scolieri, World Dance History

“I haven’t talked to people in over a month…so I don’t know if I’m making sense.”

 Professional Couch Potato-ing via Wikimedia

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8 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    PETER FUCKING AWN

  2. Anonymous  

    Prof. Alfred MacAdam, Latin American Literature (in Translation) -- "Besides, the stuff you put on Courseworks automatically becomes property of the university. To hell with that."

  3. Evan Neely, CC  

    "So there are a bunch of other virtues you could list: good at snowboarding, holds his liquor well..."

    [long pause]

    "....what other virtues are there to list?"

  4. Vincent Racaniello, Virology  

    *his computer is not loading a video*

    Student: "Maybe you have a virus."

    Racaniello: "No, I have a MAC."

  5. Yo, Mister White!  

    How did you know Bwog? I just got into breaking bad over break... did you have cameras in my house? How did you know?!?

  6. This History Major

    Would love to know what that "anonymous history seminar" is!

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