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Zagat Dining Guide: John Jay

The dining routine at John Jay can get a little monotonous as the days go by, particularly when it comes to the desserts. On the best of nights you have a choice between gelatin, sad chunks of fruit, and the occasional dry cake, with fro-yo as the only saving grace. A few daring students (read: the men’s heavyweight crew team) have taken it upon themselves to revolutionize the John Jay gastronomical experience forever — via Tumblr.

The Gold Standard

Presenting: John Jay Gourmet, your ultimate guide to constructing magnificently monstrous desserts from nothing but froyo, old waffles, and whatever sticky food paraphernalia you can find. Example images and the odd videos add that extra touch to the experience, and the passionate descriptions ground the newly invented desserts in a solid context of modern culture. A gem: “Let’s just say that if every wall street broker and economic advisor had a bite of this before the work day the term “economic recession” would be erased from existence.” 

The budding food critics’ self-described mission is “to serve as an outlet for creative juices as well as mania for dessert.” And mania have they created: we have never been so gobsmacked, so thrown aback, so goddamn astounded at what frightening magic can come out of the John Jay dessert bar. With titillating titles such as Hurricane Dandy, The Gold Standard, and The God Particle, these gourmet creations may very well depict the humble dining hall in a new blaze of glory. It’s a new day for John Jay.

Epic food creation via John Jay Gourmet

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  • Van Owen says:

    @Van Owen I just rubbed one out in the 3rd floor bathroom. I had a shit boner and it was amazing.

  • JonJay-cobjingleheimerschmitt says:

    @JonJay-cobjingleheimerschmitt Who made this site? He must have a huge penis in addition to being the smartest man alive!

    1. Barnard Troll says:

      @Barnard Troll Then it was probably a Barnard woman. Everyone knows they’re more equipped than Columbia boys.

  • Track girl says:

    @Track girl I hear the heavy crew team members have heavy penises

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous If you hear that, then surely you must be deaf.

  • The Dark Hand says:

    @The Dark Hand I know a speccie who got food poisoning from john jay. must be karma.


    @zOMG RAPE CULTURE Those pancakes scream sexual harassment, misogyny and heteronormativity. BWOG, please remove this article at once! .. What’s that you say? You don’t understand my objections?! Well it’s clear that chocolate chip pancakes is food that people eat and some people have been raped before, and some of those people have eaten chocolate chip pancakes. I am shocked at your insensitivity, and if you disagree with me, then you must be a Chocolate Chip Pancake Rapist!!!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Yes, let’s trivialize this very real and already widely misunderstood problem.

      Parody’s one thing, but when so many people already think that the idea of rape culture is as simple as “Your vaguely offensive behavior makes you a rapist”, I don’t see what anyone has to gain from the jokes.

    2. Ω says:

      They’re waffles*. But yes, i agree we need to stop this incessant rape culture on campus. I can’t even walk to class without having an intense fear of getting raped. It’s all those fraternities. They are the ones raping everybody.

  • HEY CREW BOIZ says:

    @HEY CREW BOIZ You guys just think you’re so great with your neck muscles and your back muscles, not to mention your shoulder and arm ones too! But really you aren’t worth it. Go back to your kayaks and leave us alone!

  • But... says:

    @But... I’ve never heard anyone say anything different from “Your vaguely offensive behavior makes you a rapist”. It’s one thing to discourage people saying “LOL she/he should be raped hahaha that’d be hilarious”, but people get their panties in a bunch over the SMALLEST things.

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