May

12

Senior Wisdom: Michael Samuels

Written by

Michael Samuels
Michael Samuels

Michael Samuels

Tonight’s second Senior Wisdom: Michael Samuels, who’s heading back to the woods, and remembers a very very important Columbia graduation requirement involving the stacks. 

Name, Hometown, School: Michael Samuels, Wayland, MA, CC

Claim to fame? When the weather’s nice I like to sit on the steps at night and play music. Sometimes people stop and listen, which always makes me smile. Also last semester I got into a shouting match with Robert Thurman in a Buddhism lecture. I won’t lie, I’m pretty perversely proud of that.

Where are you going? Staying here for June to take a Global Core class. After that, I have no idea. Probably back to the woods. People weren’t as mean there.

3 things you learned at Columbia:

  • (a.) The person you see walking towards you on campus that you had CC with two years ago, sat behind crushing on in FroSci, made out with at 1020, and/or rode in an elevator with that one time during NSOP who just pulled out their iphone and is pretending to send a text? Yeah, they totally see and remember you, and they’re not texting anyone. More importantly, do NOT let that hurt you. I spent years here taking other people’s awkwardness so, so personally. I let every single one of those make me believe there was something wrong with me. It’s taken me until this year to realize the way to be is to just smile at everyone you see, no matter how or if you know them, and not sweat the ones who don’t smile back. Laugh at them, pity them, but never let them hurt you.
  • (b.) Take your meds, exactly like you’re supposed to, every single night. As tempting as it is to skip, as amazing as the next day feels if you stay up all night, and the next one after that, and the next one after that, it’s not fair to the people around you, to your mom, or to yourself. Believe that you can get better, because you can, want to get better, because you should, and most of all take care of yourself, because you deserve it.
  • (c.) The core is a gift. It’s easy to hate, but you will be thankful that you know a little bit about a lot of things when graduation and the real world start to loom. Actually do the readings, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

Back in my day….R.I.P. Campo, by which I mean rot in hell Campo.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Making my mom happy/making up for what I was like as a teenager, and trying to make something worth looking at and/or listening to before I’m gone.

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To the girl: You are absolutely still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I mean so, so much more by that than what you look like. Some guy someday is going to win the fucking lottery, and I hope for his sake he has the eyesight to see it and the foresight not to fuck it up. I will always regret only having had one of those. All the shit that’s happened aside, what I said that night is still true; I am still so, so glad I met you.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese.

One thing to do before graduating: Freshman, you are nothing like the person you will be in four years. Give yourself permission to become that person. Try everything you can, make as many mistakes as possible, change majors (more than once if you can), and do whatever you can to step outside your comfort zone. Take time off if you can. I spent last spring living in the woods. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It gave me a whole new perspective on and appreciation for this place when I got back. Be excited to meet yourself in four years.

Any regrets? This campus is so, so fucking beautiful. I spent most of my time here hurrying between places on it and not nearly enough time looking around. I’ve been spending hours just walking around it in circles the last few weeks, trying to drink it all in. Go look at the tree in front of the Math building before the blossoms fall of if you haven’t yet. It’s so, so fucking beautiful.

Also, I never got to have sex in the stacks. Graduation’s looming and my prospects are pretty bleak on that front. I guess I’ll just take a study break for some me time alone with my laptop somewhere on level 12 during reading week and call that good enough.

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37 Comments

  1. something about his writing  

    that just annoys me. Maybe it's the repeated use of "fucking" or "so, so" as an intensifier.

  2. Anonymous  

    I'M STILL WAITING FOR A SENIOR WISDOM FROM THE DARK HAND. I NEED INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO TAKE UP HIS CAUSE AFTER HE GRADUATES.

  3. I see you deletin'  

    Okay, serious moderation ITT

  4. Anonymous  

    what was the original thread?

  5. Anonymous  

    "(a.) The person you see walking towards you on campus that you had CC with two years ago, sat behind crushing on in FroSci, made out with at 1020, and/or rode in an elevator with that one time during NSOP who just pulled out their iphone and is pretending to send a text? Yeah, they totally see and remember you, and they’re not texting anyone. More importantly, do NOT let that hurt you. I spent years here taking other people’s awkwardness so, so personally. I let every single one of those make me believe there was something wrong with me. It’s taken me until this year to realize the way to be is to just smile at everyone you see, no matter how or if you know them, and not sweat the ones who don’t smile back. Laugh at them, pity them, but never let them hurt you."


    THIS IS SO REAL. THANK YOU. I have talked about this social awkwardness with the more normal people I know who don't go Columbia, and they tell me the same thing. I just have to keep telling myself that once I get out of here, I will be able to expect that when I smile at someone, most, if not all, will smile back. LOL

    • Anonymous

      @Anonymous: not only that, seemingly socially capable people (club presidents, prestigious job havers, non-friendless kids) not acknowledging or "noticing" you even after multiple encounters. I think many are not socially awkard, just don't care to know anyone outside of their networking circle.

    • Anonymous

      not only that, seemingly socially capable kids (club presidents, prestigious job havers, non-friendless) never acknowledging or "noticing" you after numerous encounters. not socially awkward, but don't care to know anyone out of their networking circle

  6. Wait

    Isn't this the guy who peed in a water bottle?

  7. Campo Mike  

    CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE, CAMPO WAS THE TITS.

  8. JH Travolta  

    Who the fuck is screaming?

  9. Anonymous  

    No mention of Kristine? Harsh

  10. is everyone overlooking the fact  

    that he's probably gonna jack off in the stacks?

  11. wait  

    I dunno this guy but I really like him

  12. thurman alum

    What did Michael Samuels get in an argument with Robert Thurman about???

  13. Wait

    This guy was CC '12. Also, I hadn't known it before, but: it makes so much sense that he was the Kristine/coconut water guy.

  14. Anonymous  

    It is the Kristine guy, he was in a class with me. Looks like he warmed up to Bwog after all...

  15. Anonymous

    the punctuation in the last sentence of b) is kind of confusing, but i figured it out eventually cool

  16. clearly  

    he learned the "taking your meds" thing the hard way

  17. CC14  

    I don't know what bwog is waiting for, do a Ryan Mandelbaum senior wisdom already!!!

  18. yeah...

    this guy was pretty creepy, in my experience. Maybe that's why chicks were ignoring you.

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