Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
Articles

A Heinous Halloween Crime Has Been Committed

Pre-smashing

Pre-smashing

An upstanding tipster has just informed us of a ruthless pumpkin-smashing incident that took place today in the center of our very own campus. In what kind of contemptible society does a kindhearted young man’s attempt at spreading Halloween cheer end in such a heartless act? Read below the harrowing tale.  

Dear Bwog,

I write seeking your help in locating the perpetrator of this terrible crime. On Friday night me and my friends decided to carve some pumpkins. Always seeking a challenge in the pumpkin carving realm, I decided to show some school spirit and attempt a few of Columbia’s more iconic images. The first 4 pictures in this album show the pumpkin in its true form. The carving took over 5 hours and many cuts on my hands.

After having it stink up my room for a day, I decided to share it with the campus. It would also preserve better outside after all. My friend and I placed it on the sundial at approximately 8 pm on Sunday night. It was lit, and glowing well. Multiple students were taking pictures and enjoying it, I was a happy camper. It was not meant to last.

After a short visit to a few freshmen friends in Carmen, my friend and I returned to the sundial less than 45 minutes later, to witness the scene depicted in pictures 5 and 6. A couple by the sundial said they had been there 15 minutes and the pumpkin was already broken. This makes the window of the crime between 8:05 and 8:35 pm on Sunday night.

Angered and emotionally distraught, I typed that letter and printed the pictures, with the hopes that someone may have a clue.

I am utterly baffled that one of my fellow students would be so heartless as to destroy such a spirited decoration.

I hope with the help of the student body, we can get to the bottom of this.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

12 Comments

  • question says:

    @question Why is it so hard to just LOVE nowadays?

  • will_mcauliff says:

    @will_mcauliff the world is a vampire..

  • I'm happy it's gone says:

    @I'm happy it's gone The author of that C+ letter seems like a whiny wimpy wussy. Also, the use of passive voice throughout his sobbings irritated me. Can we get an update on this when he carves a new one? I want to smash that too.

    1. Shibe says:

      @Shibe Wow
      Much Tough
      So Scare
      Such Manly
      Many Threat

      1. Arsene Wenger's pet Shibe says:

        @Arsene Wenger's pet Shibe Wow
        Such Shitposts
        Epic may may
        Many laughs
        Upvotes 4u
        Wow

  • cc14 says:

    @cc14 Wow, people are unbelievably mean and ill-hearted. I’m sorry this happened… the pumpkin is beautiful!

  • Blunts in Butler says:

    @Blunts in Butler Can you make a bong out of a pumpkin?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous I heard someone talking about it on the subway… just use one of those tiny pumpkins and it should work just fine! #seasonal

  • anon says:

    @anon wait this is really fucked up

  • Jeri Henry-OJA says:

    @Jeri Henry-OJA I was hungry… What can I say?

  • I feel sorry for the kid says:

    @I feel sorry for the kid but Carmen though?

  • Have Your Say

    Most exhausting walk on campus?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Favorite Comments

    Politicians - what a bunch of clowns! (read more)
    20 Memes To Airdrop Everyone In Your Large Lecture Class
    March 19, 2019
    *sigh* If only we could drop politicians from tall buildings instead. (read more)
    20 Memes To Airdrop Everyone In Your Large Lecture Class
    March 17, 2019

    Recent Comments

    Politicians - what a bunch of clowns! (read more)
    20 Memes To Airdrop Everyone In Your Large Lecture Class
    March 19, 2019
    *sigh* If only we could drop politicians from tall buildings instead. (read more)
    20 Memes To Airdrop Everyone In Your Large Lecture Class
    March 17, 2019
    In the 1930s politicians would drop fliers from tall buildings on pedestrians below (read more)
    20 Memes To Airdrop Everyone In Your Large Lecture Class
    March 17, 2019
    You are amazing!!! (read more)
    Barnard Academic Award Recipients Announced
    March 16, 2019